Proof My Co-Workers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

FYI: I am registered and plan on participating in North Carolina's early voting on Saturday. But this scenario still scares the beejebus out of me. So get out there on November 4th (or earlier, if you can!)


Welcome to the Island: Edward Norton

Edward Norton never played a Nazi but he did play a neo-Nazi in American History X. And despite the fact that his character had just produced one of the most cringe worthy moments of modern film (biting the curb), I could only think one thing: damn he's hot. With the size of those biceps one can easily ignore the giant swastika tattoo. Hell, who cares about the tattoo, have you seen that chest?

I have since watched him in some great movies as Fight Club and the Illusionist and some not so great: Italian Job anyone? There is just something about that man. He can slip into roles like a chameleon, not that I am often thinking of his acting ability when I watch him. I will take him anyway I can.

Oh, and for you trivia buffs, he was in Red Dragon with Ralph Fiennes. Damn those men are fine.

Welcome To The Island: Ralph Fiennes

Today's island theme is guys that you first found hot even when you first saw them in a less-than-desirable role. Every girl loves a jerk, right?

Enter my decade plus love of Ralph Fiennes. The first time I remember seeing him on film was at my high school's obligatory viewing of Schindler's List. The movie ripped my cold heart out and dissolved it in to a quivering pile of despair... yet through all that, I couldn't help notice just how stunningly gorgeous that shithead Nazi Amon Göth was. And I mean seriously stunning in an ice-cold way. Is that even normal?

All I could think of was that line from Sylvia Plath's poem "Daddy":

Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

Is it strange to lust after a guy playing a Nazi in a movie about a concentration camp? Therapy, anyone?

Ralph Fiennes constantly makes it hard to love him. He specializes in dickhead roles. After chilling my blood in Schindler's List, he managed to creep me out as the original emo guy Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights or as a nutbag in The Red Dragon or even his recent turn as a mob boss in In Bruges. As much as I love The English Patient (yes... I am still holding out for a guy to claim my clavicle as the body part that he owns on me. That scene makes me swoon every time), I will even admit that his romantic Count László de Almássy had tinges of asshole. But he sure was damn pretty in that movie...

Even though I publicly condemned his more commercial turns in The Avengers and Maid in Manhattan (J-Lo? Seriously?), I privately tuned in just to see him play a nice guy. Or maybe just to see him in a sharp suit. Whatever.

Every girl IS crazy for a sharp-dressed man!

I will watch Ralph Fiennes play a Nazi or even a serial killer but I draw the line with all those Harry Potter movies. C'mon... they took his nose away. That is just wrong to mar such perfection.

Must pull out copy of English Patient to heal the pain of looking at this picture.


Yeah... What She Said!

An article that articulates what I was trying to say in my last post. Maybe I should just leave it to the professionals. (But at least I have another reason to post a Jon Hamm picture. Mmmmm... Jon Hamm!)

While I am at it, a few other things that have caught my eye in the blog-o-sphere lately:

I know the dating scene is pretty rough these days... but taking out an ad during the Super Bowl for your husband hunt?!? Really?

Maybe crazy Super Bowl husband hunter just needs a little love advice. Who better to play love doctor than a Sarah Palin impersonator?

First we saw the death of the hand-written letter due to email. The latest technology-induced death? The phone call. I, for one, think this one stinks cuz txt msgs can sck it!

It is bad enough that hipsters brought back skinny jeans but now they are naming their kids Butch and Mamie.

Got the election blues? Tired of hearing about swing voters? Here's a little sick humor for you (courtesy of The Onion):

Gunman Kills 15 Potential Voters In Crucial Swing State


Dirtbag Alert: The Pickup Artist

I spent this Sunday trying to regain my sanity after an invasion by out-of-town relatives. Complete sensory overload the last few days led me to loll on the couch and watch my DVR recordings that have been piling up over the last few weeks.

The worst guilty pleasure? The second season of VH-1's "The Pickup Artist". Ladies, arm yourself against stealth attacks by drunken idiots in bars by watching this ridiculous show. There are men out there who actually buy in to this drivel. The show centers on turning lovable geeks with no game in to so-called "ladies' men". Too bad their tutor is a former magician called Mystery who advocates wearing black nail polish, goggles, feather boas and top hats as a way to lure the ladies in. He calls it "peacocking"; I call it "dressing like a moron." Mystery teaches the use of winning opening lines such as:

"Let me ask you a question: Would you ever sleep with a guy named Herman?"
"Hey... did you see the fight outside?" (when there was no fight)

Of course, I will probably just be accused of "negging" him but I declare an official Dirtbag Alert on anything Pickup Artist-related.

Oh yeah... you are so sexy! Hold me back. No, really... hold me back, please.

Want real advice on the art of seduction? Just watch my beloved Jon Hamm's skit on SNL. Sadly, this comedy skit is way sexier than anything that goofy magician could offer up.

Or, perhaps even better, Captain Kirk's Guide to Women:

What The Fugg?

When UGG boots came out, I threw up a little in my mouth. I swore that I would never succumb, no matter how comfortable or warm they may be. Even when the UGG knock-offs (fake + UGG = Fugg) flooded the market and offered up a cheaper alternative, I remained resolute.

Resolute... that is, until the weather turned cooler and I needed a way to keep my feet warm when smoking out on my balcony.

Yeah... I answered the sirens' call of Fuggs. These things are hideous but dammit if they aren't warm. I do promise to never wear these monstrosities outside of the house (albeit that quick run to the grocery store the other night!)


Celebrate Our Milestone!

I just noticed that this will be My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma's 100th post. Party time! Thanks to all of our readers (all 5 of ya'll!) Bad Wolf and I appreciate you taking some time out of your day to take a glimpse in to our warped minds.

Welcome To The Island: Julian McMahon

I need a man that looks like this, stat! I wasn't even a regular viewer of the show Nip/Tuck, but Julian McMahon managed to grab my attention and freeze up my channel surfing finger every time he graced the screen. When Bad Wolf proposed the theme of hot TV doctors (hospital dramas have never quite been my thing!), it took a moment. Then I remembered this guy. Those pouty lips and cold blue eyes send my fragile heart in to palpitations. Then there is that sexy Australian accent he has in real life.

Random trivia fact: Did you know that his dad was the former Prime Minister of Australia?

Welcome to the Island: Goran Visnjic

Along with procedurals and cop shows, hospital dramas are one of the staples of TV. Which gives us many fine looking men that we would love to give us a full physical. My top choice? Goran Visnjic from ER. With that hair and those eyes and just a little bit of stubble he has me finding new ways to check into the ER. He is a tortured troubled flawed soul on the show but always does the right thing in the end. And he it does it all with that lovely accent as well.

ER has had its ups and downs over its 17 years on TV. Every scene with Goran? Brilliant and gorgeous. Welcome to the island Goran don't forget your medical kit.


Lessons Learned This Weekend

- If the tattoo artist you are talking to keeps referencing his cocaine habit, it is perfectly fine to walk out of the studio. I woke up Saturday sans regrets or any shakily drawn ink additions to my body.

- Chivalry is not dead. If a man opens doors for you, he will turn out to be detail-oriented, considerate and attentive in other areas. (Hi mom!)

- Drinking Margaritas and shooting Wild Turkey at a pre-party, washing down your Japanese food with sake and plum wine then playing pool while sipping beer and rum and Cokes is not "a tour around the world via your glass" or "a way to visit Mexico, Kentucky, Japan, St. Louis and Jamaica all in one night"... it is just a good way to feel like crap Sunday morning.

- If a man makes a half-ass promise that you two will "maybe grab a bite to eat Sunday night" after he gets back from Raleigh, don't clear your calender. Go eat dinner with a new girl friend instead and surprise yourself that you hadn't even thought about his empty promise until you got ready for bed that night. Rejoice in the fact that this thought was fleeting and did not ruin your night.

Sweet Home Chicago

Okay, so its not really my home but it is (a good song and a much shorter title than what i originally thought of) to good friends of mine. You may remember that before the flu, before my trip home, before blogger decided i was the enemy, and before my very good date i had this weekend, i went to Chicago to see friends from college. These friends, Hayley and Billy, have a daughter Allison who was celebrating her first birthday.

So without further ado, and because CKD requested them (see, I haven't forgotten!) here are a few pics of the adorable tyke and yes i am biased.

Hayley with Allison

Allison with her daddy, Billy

Mommy, Can I Be A Porn Star For Halloween This Year?

The question of Halloween costumes came up this weekend. I have a party to go to but no idea what to go as. Since I don't know a lot of people that are going to be there, anything involving heavy make-up or masks is out. No matter how cool the costume, nobody wants to take a chance chatting up a chick whose werewolf mask might actually be a vast improvement on her day-to-day look.

Halloween used to be so easy. I spent the ages of 2 through 10 alternating between dressing up as either Cinderella, Princess Leia or Madonna. My junior and senior high years were all about the scary costumes. College was reserved for the high-brow, over-thought costumes that nobody got. "So... you're like a zombie, huh?" "Yeah, but I am carrying a briefcase. Get it? I'm a corporate zombie. Duh!" Same thing goes for the year I dressed up as a drag queen and spent the night trying to explain how funny it was to be a woman dressed up as a man dressed up as a woman.

Then my 21st birthday rolled around and I entered the bar scene. Halloween hasn't been the same since. No longer is Halloween all about creativity or scariness. Nope. Halloween is now the one holiday when other-wise respectable, educated women can get away with dressing like utter sluts and still look their co-workers in the eye the next day. Slutty cop, slutty fallen angel, slutty Greek goddess, slutty librarian... I have worn them all.

Now I am 30. After looking at a beer wench costume that would really look kick ass with a pair of Mary Jane stilettos I picked up recently, I had to stop and ask myself: When is it time to hang up the slutty Halloween costumes?

Talk amongst yourselves. I haven't hit the checkout button for that slutty Eve costume in my online shopping cart either.


Welcome To The Island: Jon Hamm

Island Wednesday has had its challenges this time around. Bad Wolf fought with the Blogger site for a few hours to post her pick before finally throwing up her hands. Hopefully, the technical demons will leave her alone soon and she will post by tomorrow. I worked a 12 hour shift today followed by another Meetup.com event (FYI: those chicks are really cool. Yay new friends!) I rushed home but still managed to arrive 30 minutes in to the presidential debate I had planned to live blog. And I still owe my loyal readers an island pick.

Forget Calgon, I want Jon Hamm to take me away on days like these. He is the lead actor from my new cult fave, Mad Men. His character is a womanizing cheat but I still swoon over this guy. Sexy voice, piercing eyes, lips that beg me to kiss them, great dimples.

Just Go Meet In The Alley, You Two!

Sorry, guys but I am late tonight! I had another one of my meetup group events tonight. After work drinks at a local bar... I needed a jump start for this final debate. Oooohh... the sit-down forum. Interesting.

9:33 Boy did I walk in at a good time. McCain and Obama are going at it about McCain's political rallies. McCain is trying to defend the fact that some of his supporters are bigots. Obama has a STFU look on his face.

9:37 The Bill Ayers question. Obama handles it well. They served on a board together. Big whoop! Obama states clearly that Ayers will not be on his Cabinet.

9:38 Obama in a red tie; McCain in a blue one. What's going on tonight? Do they text each other beforehand? They are worse than me and my girlfriends before a night out.

9:40 Who's VP is better? Creepy old guy vs. Guns & Ammo Barbie. Tough call but creepy guy has a slight edge.

9:44 Obama managed to keep a straight face when answering if Palin was qualified as VP.

9:45 McCain touts that Palin understands special-needs children. Obama counters with those special-needs children would need more funding for research and support. McCain disagrees. What are we supposed to do... help them just through the mighty power of prayer?

9:47 Obama sure is smirking a lot tonight. The guy knows he has this election in the bag. Unless he whips out his dick, slaps it on McCain's forehead and shouts "Kill Whitey"... nope... come to think of it, he would still win. (Might even pick up a few extra votes, while he was at it)

9:53 McCain just needs to publish his passport so he can quit bragging about all the countries he has been to. Besides... I got drunk in Mexico a few times; it doesn't make me an expert on its economy. Who cares if McCain has actually been to Columbia?

9:59 McCain is now talking to his buddy "Joe the Plumber" and calling him "my friend". Do you really think McCain knows the name of his plumber?

10:00 Shit... now Obama is talking to "Joe the Plumber" too. I liked Joe better when he was Joe Sixpack.

10:01 New drinking game: Take a shot every time they say Joe. (I just opened a Woodchuck).

10:03 Shut up about Joe, dammit! I can't drink fast enough to keep up with this.

10:07 McCain says that he would pick Supreme Court Justices only by their qualifications not their ideology. Why don't I believe that? Ideology has been the basis for every single Justice on the bench. That is what the Supreme Court is for.

10:11 I break out in to a cold sweat when McCain says "We have to change the culture of this nation" when talking about his pro-life stance. What the hell does that mean? I like our culture just fine, thank you.

10:17 Why are Americans so stupid and lagging in education? Just look at McCain's political rallies. Must be a part of that culture McCain was speaking of.

10:20 Obama on Bush's "No Child Left Behind": "He left the money behind." LOL, Obama!

10:26 Bob Schieffer just referenced Myspace. Is it just me or do old people sound funny when they talk about Myspace?

10:28 McCain almost says he wants to make health care avoidable...er... affordable. Freuiean slip?

10:29 McCain mentions all the sacrifices he has made for his country. That POW bit never gets old, does it?

10:30 Obama closes on a fairly upbeat message.

10:31 Bob Schieffer's closing statement (claims it is from his mom): "Go vote now! It will make you feel stronger!" I couldn't have said it any better.

10:32 Damn! Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain didn't even talk to each other up on stage. I smell bad blood.

Whew! Again, sorry for my tardiness. I am glad the debates are over. Now go vote... it will make us all feel stronger!


My Dad, The Photographer's Muse

Last weekend, my folks came down from Virginia to visit my new digs. My dad, the avid bass fisherman, took it as an opportunity to try surf fishing. Mom and I weren't so keen on getting up at 6 AM so we ended up joining him out on Emerald Isle later in the morning. Our loss. Turns out sometimes the early bird does get that proverbial worm. My dad met a photographer out there as the sun was rising who ended up taking some fab pics of him. Neither of them had a pen and paper to exchange email addresses so dad wrote his email in the sand and the guy took a picture of it. My thanks to the photographer, Justin Pond. Not only did he take some amazing shots but he really made my dad's weekend. Man thinks he is some kind of supermodel now. Next stop... the cover of Vogue?!?


I May Not Be Miss Manners But...

Has etiquette fallen to the wayside these days? I threw a party last night and was astounded by the amount of no-shows who didn't even bother to pick up the phone to call or text that they weren't coming. All of them were people who at least acted like they fully intended to come. How rude! If someone takes the time to clean their house and stock the fridge for you, at least have the common courtesy to RSVP properly.

File Her Under "Women I Admire"

It's official: Betty White rocks my world.


Welcome To The Island: Christian Bale

Just in time to sweep down and rescue us all from The Great Economic Crisis of 2008, this week's island inductees are examples of America's love of superheroes (or of Roadtripper and Bad Wolf's love of hot muscular guys in silly costumes.)

My pick is Christian Bale, the latest Dark Knight. I honestly don't give a fig about Batman yet I squealed like a school girl when I heard Christian Bale was going to don the Caped Crusader's codpiece. This man has talent, not to mention extreme dedication when it comes to his roles. His intensity, smoldering eyes and sick physique are too much for this girl. Just take his role in American Psycho. I didn't know if I should turn off the TV and cower in the other room or roll on the floor with laughter or lick the screen every time he appeared sans shirt (FYI: I chose the latter two options.) He can save the day, even if he does make you feel a little uncomfortable while doing it. And did I mention how hot he is with his shirt off?

Welcome to the Island: Troubled Superheroes

You should recognize him from Iron Man, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Tropic Thunder, Chaplain and many more movies (and hopefully not his less than stellar roles: I am looking at you Ally McBeal!). Superhero: check, he did an awesome turn as Tony Stark. Troubled: check, I think we all know his history and are happy that the troubled times are behind him. And now that they are, I think we can all agree that Robert Downey Jr has aged like a fine wine, he just keeps getting better and better. As previous posts of mine and Roadtripper's can attest, I tend to go for the blond boys. I can always make an exception for RDJ. Those eyes, that hair, that smart ass attitude! And he can completely disappear into his roles, showing great versatility as an actor. And you can tell there is intelligence there as well. I want to hang out with him, converse with him about all matters of the universe, make fun of others with him, cause massive amounts of trouble with him, and then shag him silly!

He is more than a pretty face, but oh what a face. Welcome to the island, Robert, now get over here.

Fairly Unbalanced (And Freaking Hysterical!)

I am forced to watch FOX news at work (it just doesn't seem worth it to put up a fight because I am grossly outnumbered). Most of the time FOX makes my blood boil, but every once in awhile, a comedic gem like this one lands in my lap.


Maybe Mud Wrestling Would Have Been A Better Format

Yup! This was the highlight of the debate.

I had a blast live-blogging the VP debate. I don't know if tonight's Presidential Debate will be anywhere near as entertaining but here goes:

9:00 Oooooh! Town hall format. This shows promise.

9:01 Tom Brokaw as the moderator. I love how he can't properly pronounce his Rs. I find this man strangely hot. Strange, I know.

9:02 Brokaw jokes that audience members have to show restraint but those of us at home don't have to do the same. The man knows me too well.

9:03 Dorky wave from McCain. He looks like he is facing a firing squad.

9:05 Straight out the gate, the economy question comes up and Obama blames Bush then McCain. Follows ups with exactly how he would fix it. Well played.

9:06 McCain is going to solve the economic crisis by cutting money to "countries who don't like us very much." Uhhhh... yeah...

9:08 McCain tries for down-home folksy by addressing everyone as "my friends." It just sounds snippy.

9:09 Brokaw asks who McCain would appoint Secretary of Treasury. McCain responds with "Not you, Tom." Joke bombs. Crickets chirp.

9:10 I receive a text from Dustin saying "No drinkin during the debate." Too late! I was going to take a drink every time someone mentioned the economy but wisely decided against it.

9:12 McCain pats himself on the back again for suspending his campaign to deal with the economic crisis. How'd that work out for ya, old man?

9:14 Obama says he has to correct McCain "not surprisingly." Them's fighting words. Maybe there is hope for this debate after all.

9:17 Wow! This isn't as much fun tonight. The economy has even put a damper on my ability to laugh at anything.

9:17 McCain just said "my friend" again. Not sure who to. New drinking game, anyone?

9:21 They are both trying to out-do each other in the "I'm a reformer" department. It was more fun when it was being called maverick. Can't believe I am saying this but bring back the maverick! Where's Palin when we need her?

9:24 "My friends". Drink! (I am chugging $5 wine tonight. In case you haven't heard: ECONOMIC CRISIS!!!)

9:27 Brokaw reminds them to keep it short or they will "have a bigger deficit than the US government." Oh, Brokaw, I am glad someone didn't lose their sense of humor tonight.

9:29 McCain answers the "what sacrifices would you ask the average American to make to solve the economic crisis?" question without mentioning his own huge sacrifice as a POW. Is he even awake tonight? Old man is slipping.

9:35 Obama uses the "scalpel not a hatchet" line regarding cuts to government spending. Cool line but its effectiveness is waning with overuse.

9:40 McCain's laugh reminds me too much of a dying man's last gasp. It makes me break out in hives by reminding me that he is decrepit and Palin is waiting in the wings. Thankfully he says "my friends" again so I can take another swig and calm my nerves.

9:45 Obama says the government scientists invented the Internet. Know your history, son! Poppa Gore is responsible for that one.

9:47 Damn, Brokaw is getting really pissy about time. Looks like he needs some $5 wine too.

9:53 I just noticed the candidates' choice of ties. Obama in blue, McCain in red. How original. What I wouldn't give to see a pink checkered tie...

9:54 McCain makes a needing a hair transplant joke when talking about health care. Not only did the joke suck but way to draw attention to the fact that you are ancient, McCain. I think of Palin taking over again and take two swigs.

9:55 Is health care a responsibility or a right? Obama says right, McCain says responsibility. Easy to say when your wife is a beer heiress.

10:08 Damn, I am bored!

10:11 McCain cribs Teddy Roosevelt's "speak softly and carry a big stick" then says Obama talks too loudly because he announces his plans. God forbid we keep Americans in the loop.

10:14 Obama gets pissed and throws McCain's "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran" comment back in his face as an example of McCain not speaking softly. LOL, Obama!

10:15 Regarding bin Laden, McCain just says "Don't even worry... I know how to catch him." Okay, so why hasn't he shared this great master plan sometime in the past 7 years?!?!?!?

10:16 McCain accuses Obama of sending out a telegram of his military plans. Telegram? Join this century, old fart. FYI: It would be a Facebook status update nowadays.

10:23 Brokaw tries to limit the candidates to a yes or no answer when asking the question "Is Russia still an Evil Empire?" Politicians giving a concise, one-word answer... bitch, please! On a serious note, that was way too complicated of a question for just a yes or no.

10:26 A retired Naval chief asks McCain a question. McCain thanks him for his service and says everything he learned in the Navy was from a chief. Hell yeah! Enlisted folks rock! Too bad I don't think his fly-boy ass really believes that. Especially since all reports about McCain's military service make him out to be an asshole.

10:30 Shot of Michelle Obama. I heart her!

10:32 Obama talks about his single mom, growing up on food stamps and being raised by grandma in his closing statement. Too little, too late with your attempt to pull the heart strings after being bone dry all night.

10:33 McCain tries to match Obama with his absent military father. Even worse.

10:34 Brokaw tells the candidates to get the hell out of the way of his tele-prompter so he can sign off and go get his drink on. I feel his pain!

I think I would have had more fun sitting in the dentist's chair than watching that debate. Lame!


Farewell To Old Friends

After a weekend of gorging myself on fried seafood, cheesecake and Hardee's breakfast (in my defense, my folks were in town), I have decided to tighten up the diet again and start hitting the beach for some running starting tomorrow morning. Monday mornings suck but they offer up a tabula rasa of sorts. But since it isn't Monday yet, I used the excuse of "cleaning out my fridge" to indulge in the ultimate gastronomic pleasure.

Hellooooo, old friend!

If you have never had English sticky toffee pudding, search the dessert menu of your local English or Irish pub. It is a must have. Over Memorial Day, Bad Wolf, Momma Bad Wolf and I almost fought over who got to lick the plate after we shared a plate of it at an Irish pub in Louisville. No pub nearby? This Haagen-Dazs version is an awesome substitute (Thanks for the heads-up, Bad Wolf!)

Well, I am off to go "clean my fridge" some more. Wish me luck!

SNL Keeps Firing on all Cylinders (at least when it comes to the Election)!

Last night's Saturday Night Live saw Tina Fey again reprising her role as Sarah Palin in their lampooning of the VP debate. They again hit it out of the park, of course they didn't have to write much script. If only Sarah Palin realized what she says is such a comedic gold mine. Queen Latifah plays moderator Gwen Ifill.

The look on Queen Latifah's face at about 4 minutes left to go pretty much sums up what much of us were thinking during the entire debate. There is even a line at the end about using maverick as part of a drinking game. They are on to you Roadtripper! Maybe you should be an SNL writer.


No Condoms? Use Diet Coke In A Pinch

Turns out this old wives' tale actually has some validity. Researchers have discovered that Coke products really do work as a spermicide. For some reason, Diet Coke works best. Just for the taste of it, indeed!

** Editor's note: This blog does not actually advocate the use of soda as birth control. But if you really are stupid enough to try it, I reserve the right to laugh at your dumb ass when you get knocked up!


A Much Needed Post-Debate Moment Of Zen

For everyone who needed a laugh to decompress.

I Am Actually Ashamed To Have Ovaries Right Now

Not even thirty minutes in to the VP debate and I have already yelled myself hoarse. It started when Gov. Palin blew a kiss to the audience and asked if she could call Sen. Biden Joe. Nothing but downhill since. I am too irritated to do a proper live blog but here are some observations.

New drinking game. Take a shot every time that woman says any of the following:
Main Street
Joe Six Pack
soccer mom
hockey mom
the great state of Alaska
God Bless
around the kitchen table

Biden is a trying his best to be charming and not lose his temper but you can tell he is totally gritting his teeth when he smiles.

I like how Palin keeps trying to pass herself off as middle class. Did you know her and her husband's income was $250K the year she ran for mayor? I have never been to Alaska before. Maybe that is considered middle class there.

She just referenced that shitty chant "Drill, baby, drill." You can tell she really thinks that is cute. I think it makes me want to puke.

Biden reminds me of an old fart that kept hitting on me in a hotel bar once. Kind of creepy...

9:36 I need to start putting times on here. Sorry I didn't think of that before. What kind of shop are we running here? Maybe that drinking game was a bad idea... darn!

9:40 Do cameramen usually film the candidates from behind as much as they do when one of them is in a skirt? I have seen more shots of Palin's legs than anything else.

9:41 Don't start the crying game, Govenor. I know your son is heading over to Iraq but so is Biden's. He isn't crying so put on a pair of big girl panties, sista.

9:44 Biden is throwing it back on her. Yup... McCain did vote against funding for troops too. Palin looks surprised by that fact. Did she not even bother to take a peek at the voting record of her boss? Ha ha! You Republicans don't have a patent on patriotism.

9:45 Palin can't even pronounce Taliban. Jeez!

9:49 Definition of diplomacy "Hard work by dedicated people." Thanks, Gov. Palin.

9:54 Biden is firing on all cylinders when speaking about Israel. Palin's response is how happy she is that they both love Israel. Awww! Maybe she will buy the world a Coke next.

10:02 I can't wait to hear how the conservative pundits try to spin this debate in their favor. This is Biden's house tonight.

10:04 Palin in now trying to amp up the cute factor... too bad we are talking about foreign spending. Not a very cute topic. Golly-gee! Tina Fey is going to have a field day with all this material.

10:07 Biden was just asked how he would run the White House if he ever had to take the presidency. Speaking of, check out this shit from Ann Coulter where she basically calls Obama assassination bait. The Secret Service needs to put Coulter on a watch list. Bitch is crazy.

10:10 Wasilla, AK versus Scranton, PA as both try to out-blue-collar each other.

10:13 She just gave a "shout out" to some kids at an elementary school. She is such a hip soccer mom... except the term "shout out" saw its hey-dey about a decade ago.

10:14 Palin just said McCain "tapped her". Hee hee! Pardon me... I am 13 again.

10:17 Biden just called Dick Cheney "the most dangerous Vice President in history". Oooh...burn!

10:19 Palin just said that her and the old fart stand for equal rights. LOL! Is that why McCain keeps voting against the equal pay bill for women?

10:21 Biden sees Palin's soccer mom card and raises her by playing the single dad after being widowed card. Palin blinks rapidly, folds and switches tactics by sing-songing McCain's praises again.

10:23 Biden is now calling out Palin's constant referral to McCain as a maverick. Sure, if maverick = old dude who doesn't want to change anything.

10:24 Who's house? Biden's house. Whooooooo's house? Biden's house. (Tell me someone gets the Run DMC reference, please!)

10:29 Closing statements. Palin goes first. Her voice is like nails against a chalkboard. I thought McCain was against using torture.

10:30 I wish they would quit talking about how great it is to finally meet. Get a room, you two.

10:31 If only Biden's eyes weren't so shifty. It makes him look like an untrustworthy, dirty old man who picks up women in hotel bars.

Whew! It's over. I need a cigarette and another drink. I am stoked that Biden mopped the floor with Palin's ass. That was awesome.

10:34 Hey! Is that Palin's knocked up daughter I see?

At least 5 Minutes of Amusement

Stuck at work bored out of your mind? Stuck in bed with the flu like me? Or maybe you are just looking for something funny (at least until tonight's VP Candidate debate)? I have just the thing! By following the link below, you too can find out what your name would be if you were in the wacky Palin family where you had siblings named Track, Trig, Bristol, and Willow! Yes it's the Sarah Palin Name Generator and provided me with a few minutes of chuckles, key when you are down with the flu you got by taking the flu shot.

If I was a Palin (thank goodness I am not), my name would be Sport Grunt Palin. What's Yours?


My Favorite Things

Fellow blogger CKD has a regular feature on her site showcasing her love of over-priced but fabulous cosmetics. Knowing a fellow product whore when she sees one, she issued up the challenge to me. Here goes a list of my favorite things (alternate title: How Roadtripper Gets Free Shipping From Sephora By Spending Way Over $50 With Each Purchase)

Benefit Eye Bright: Blame my genetics because I can roll out of bed after a solid 12 hour slumber sporting dark circles under my eyes that would indicate an all-night drinking binge. A quick swipe of this snazzy pink pencil makes me look well-rested and completely zenful even after the worst bout of insomnia.

OPI nailpolish: I adore OPI and don't even blink when I shell out almost $10 for a bottle. This stuff lasts forever and the colors never streak. My recent obsession has been their Royal Navy color, which has enjoyed heavy rotation on my toe nails all summer long.

Philosophy Hope in a Jar: Hands down, the best moisterizer for my skin. Not at all greasy, absorbs instantly and makes my skin feel like buttah.

Anastasia Perfect Brow Pencil in Strawburn: My brows are ridiculously sparse. For years, the only light pencils I could find were ash-blonde and ended up making me look like Ash Wednesday Gone Awry. Anastasia has a fabulous color called Strawburn that is perfect for those of us with an autumn palette.

Revlon ColorStay Mineral Lipglaze: Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I am always smoking a cigarette or sipping a soda, wreaking havoc on any lipstick I wear. This recent drugstore find holds for hours without turning my lips in to a chapped, dried-out mess.

Philosophy Red Velvet Cake 3-in-1 Shower Gel: Any southern girl goes bat shit crazy for red velvet cake. This stuff smells so delish... sans those pesky calories and fat grams.

John Frieda Brilliant Brunette Shine Shock: Makes hair glisten. Not just for brunettes either... I have had almost every color on the Redken wheel and this stuff works like a charm. A bright and very shiney charm.

My Love Of All Things Kitsch Now Extends To My Keychain

Picture me standing at the key making counter at Lowe's Hardware with the simple task of getting a copy of my house key made. Imagine my actual squeal of joy when I realized you could get a custom key made from several designer templates instead of a plain old silver one. Now picture the expression of shock and confusion on the old guy's face who was making my key when I let out that aforementioned squeal of joy.

But seriously... who could resist? I think my key is super fab.

Welcome To The Island: "I Am Not A Fag Hag But...." Edition

Anderson Cooper turns the news in to Must-See TV. Those icy blue eyes, the silver hair, the ripped biceps. The guy is part of the Vanderbilt dynasty but he ran off to Cambodia post-college to tromp through the jungles and report for Channel 1. Sexy little WASP-y rebel! His verbal tongue lashing of Senator Mary Landrieu post Hurricane Katrina still rates as my fave news moment of all time. What can I say?... I like 'em feisty!

Anderson Cooper has never officially came out of the closet yet. He refuses to answer questions about his sexual preference. But one viewing of his reaction to Kathy Griffin on "My Life On The D-List" (her gays do love her so!) closed off any questions in my mind. No straight man could ever get that giggly and starry-eyed over Kathy Griffin.

As much as I laugh at women who lust after gay men, I have to include ol' Andy on the island. He is straight up (hee hee... pun!) yummy.

Welcome to the Island: They're Straight Here!

Roadtripper first had the idea for this week's theme but didn't think I would be able to come up with a guy who was gay but who we wished were straight and would be straight on the island. I think it took me all of 5 seconds before I came up with my guy:
Neil Patrick Harris. That's right. I know he is in a happy, monogamous relationship with a guy but this is the island, and Roadtripper and I's reality prevails. And as you can tell by the pic, boy works out! He is a big part of the reason I watch How I Met Your Mother and has come a long way from his Doogie days. Welcome to the Island NPH, it's going to be legen-wait for it-dary!

Now Bad Wolf is off to take a nap and more cold medicine. I was sent home from work as soon as my voice dropped to Barry White levels and have only felt worse since. I blame it on the flu shot they made us get yesterday.