Tough Times Are No Excuse For Bad Fashion

I have a dirty little secret: I am a Forever 21 shopper. That's right. A 30 year old woman who buys cheap trendy knock-offs. I even have their website bookmarked and check out the new arrivals at least twice a day because all the cool stuff has a tendency to disappear in the blink of an eye. At least 50 percent of my jewelry comes from there. That cute shirt I wore at New Years? Straight off their website. I love being able to buy frivolous, irreverent trends and not break the bank. When an item goes out of style in a few months, I won't be out more than $30.

Being several years over their intended demographic, I have to use a little restraint. Sure... those shiny faux-leather leggings are kind of hot in Pat Benetar way and are quite the steal at only $22 but probably should never grace an ass over the age of 21. The glen plaid tube dress is really adorable and is a great knock-off of something I have seen Victoria Beckham wear but my tube dress days have passed.

Then there is the fashion that I just don't get:

Those weird hoodies covered with crappy 80s graphics are fugly beyond belief.

I think my grandma has a top like this one.

Then... today... I saw something that truly made my heart hurt.

The return of Hammer pants. Although they are now described as "harem" or "paper bag" pants. What a horribly unwelcome re-trend. Who wants to look like they took a dump in their pants? Fucking Hammer pants! MC Hammer went broke and can now be seen praying all over the Jeebus channel. Is this really who we want as a fashion icon during these troubled times?

Welcome To The Island: "Prime Minister" Hugh Grant

All the things that I love about British guys exist in the lusciousness that is Hugh Grant. He has perfected that style of bed head that American chaps can never seem to pull off. He stutters and stampers in the most adorable way. He possesses a dry, witty sense of humor. He is a closet freak (Divine Brown, anyone?)

In fact, he was the perfect person to represent jolly old England and play the Prime Minister in Love Actually. Last week, the Island was all about hot actors who had played American presidents. This week, we extend of love to our sexy cousins across the pond.

As an added bonus, check out Hugh in his turn as Prime Minister in my fave scene from the movie. How the man can juggle being a complete dork yet totally lickable at the same time is beyond me... but I love every minute of it! Yup... he puts the prime in prime minister.

Welcome to the Island: Actors Who Play Prime Ministers Edition

Hot on the heels of actors who have played the President, is our actors who have played the Prime Minister Edition of the Island. (Who better of an ally to the president than the Prime Minister? I won't even mention Israel with the latest mess going on) Who better to usher it in than Anthony Stewart Head:

I don't even remember on what movie/miniseries he played the PM in, I trust Roadtripper's imdb knowledge in that. All I needed to know was Anthony Stewart Head. Now many of you may remember him from Buffy, or as I do from an episode of the greatest Sci-Fi show ever, Doctor Who, or maybe from the old Taster's Choice/Nescafe commercials. Whatever from, I am sure you do remember him. He combines the velvetiest of accents (if you have never heard Once More With Feeling, you are missing out on a lovely singing voice as well) with that undeniable attraction of a fine older man with a hint of danger.

I posted this pic because it makes me want to lick and nibble his neck

And hell, do I even need a sign off sentence with the last name Head? Welcome to the island Anthony, you'll find your name in use quite often here.

How I Spent My Snow Day Part II or Come Get Lost With Me

So after driving two thirds of the way to work because it was 0730 and work starts at 0730 and none of the local tv stations said the base was closed and I hate to be late, I finally got the call from my Chief: Base is closed, turn around and go home. Woo-hoo! But what to do? I am unfortunately, already wide awake so I can't go back to sleep. Then I saw a commercial for Lost tonight. And then the light bulb hit: I'll catch up on Lost! So in between my daily 100 crunches and reading the latest Ian Rankin and more on my WW II obsession, I started re-watching Lost from the beginning:

And I remembered why this show is so damn awesome and the reason Roadtripper and I are not to be disturbed on Wednesday evenings. If you don't watch it, it is not too late. They just started the second to last season. Netflix it, beg or borrow it from friends but do not miss it. It is a show for those who love a show that will take them for a ride and have them searching their library and the internet afterwards for what each name and remote clue means. Rewatching the first season I remembered how much I love Sayid and Hurley (I would love to see them in a buddy comedy movie together!). How much I do not miss Boone or Shannon. How much I miss Walt and how much I want to find out what the Hell is up with Claire. Besides giving your brain a tripped out ride that the X-Files never quite accomplished, it is an adventure show and thoroughly delves into each character. It is easily the best show on TV period. Sorry, 30 Rock, Mad Men, House or whatever banal shit you pollute your mind with. If you only watch two shows one of them should be Lost. Your brain will be better for it, your cocktail party dinner conversation too.

Random Rambllings or How I Spent My Snow Day Part I

I was lucky enough today to be granted a snow day. And for Memphis, TN that only required about an inch of ice below an inch of snow. Still it was beautiful and inspired my haphazard love of photography. So through my handy dandy camera and some playing with the color on my computer I present Snowbound in Tennessee. Should I continue on with my intermittent love of photography or keep it to drunken pictures or roadtripper and I?


You Go, Girl... And Take That Fab Hat With You!

I recently donned a ridiculously large hat for my club's outing to an English tea house. It. Was. Awesome. We have another tea party coming up in March. I am planning the entire outfit around the hat. Hats are awesome... but ridiculously large church hats with bows, feathers and nets are even better!
So everyone hating on Aretha Franklin's bomb ass hat worn at the inauguration... get over it! She is the queen of soul and can out sing anyone, thus earning her the right to do whatever she pleases when she performs. And I thought the hat kicked ass! Maybe I can find one like it for my next tea party...

A Glimpse In To My Cubicle

The average American spends at least 40 hours a week at work. Since I average quite a bit more than that, I spend more time with my co-workers than with my family or even my closest friends. They are quite a motley crew: all men, all former military (and Marines at that. I am the only former Army... something they remind me of at least once a day) and all (at one point in time) prone to me having vivid daydreams of stapling their mouths shut.

A thumbnail sketch of each of my co-workers:

The Socially Retarded Techie- He is that guy in the SNL skit that rolls his eyes at you while you try to explain what is wrong with a computer then shoves you out of the way with a "Moooooove!" He has a bad comb-over and his hands shake constantly. I almost clocked him once when he snuck up behind me and blew in my ear. He likes to look down my shirt.

The Post Traumatic Stress Guy- Drinks like a fish and tells war stories all day long. Really graphic ones. I once saw him lay his fork and knife over a plate in the sign of a cross and say "For my fallen brothers." He refused to eat another bite but didn't slow down ordering more tequila shots. Guess his fallen comrades weren't thirsty. He is prone to busting out his tai chi moves in the middle of the hallway. I am actually a little scared of this one.

Rainman- Sits right across the cubicle with me. Mutters under his breath about every action. "Must fill out time sheet" "How do I get Column A to equal Column B?" "Don't forget to call Sgt. Smith". I am waiting for him to start blathering on about Judge Wapner being on at 3 o'clock and reminding himself that he has to buy his underwear from K-mart. I once asked him if he was one of those people who likes to think out loud or if he was looking for feedback. He got pissed and started muttering about how nobody listens to him. He was once told that he was second in command of the office but gets mad when we call him Number Two.

The Femi-Nazi Hunter- Usually a pretty cool guy... except when he has listened to too much Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh or some other right wing radio. Or maybe when his wife pisses him off. Then watch out! I can't say anything without being told that I am a man-hater. He also has an annoying habit of telling me that I am a few years away from becoming the cat lady.

The Pretty Boy- Another example of a guy that I like 99% of the time even though he uses more hair gel in a day than I do in an entire month. I enjoy hearing his love life exploits on smoke breaks. Except for the time that he told me "I actually like girls who are a little anorexic... at least I know they are going to stay skinny." That made me want to put him in a head lock and mess up that perfectly gelled hair.

The One Who Looks Down His Nose At Me- Literally. He loves to tell long, condescending stories. Whenever I try to counter, he holds up his hand and asks "May I finish please?" then continues to lecture for another ten minutes. He also loves to mimic me (poorly, might I add). Seeing him do his impersonation of me, you would think I was a Flava of Love girl complete with neck rolls and smacking lips. His most common phrases are "Don't look at me like that" or "Don't raise your eyebrows at me like that". I guess he feels the need to fill the void now that my father is six hours away.

Fingers crossed that none of them ever stumble across this post. But if they do... have a sense of humor, guys! If I can't laugh at you, who can?


Welcome To The Island: Josh Brolin

A changing of the guard has taken place and the reign of Dubya has finally ended... except on our island!! Don't fret, dear readers, I have not gone mad and chosen George to be on our island, but rather an actor who played the former president in Oliver Stone's 2008 satire W. (and rather well, might I add). Welcome to the Hot Guys Who Played a President Edition.

Enter Josh Brolin. Oh, how I love his brooding dark looks. And his sexy gravely voice. And his mad talent. And that smirk.

Plus he was a Goonie... and we all know "Goonies never say die!" (Not sure what I meant there but I couldn't possibly top Bad Wolf's "in my Oval Office" sign-off... that was the best I could come up with!)


Welcome to the Island: Luke Wilson Edition

In honor of President Obama's inauguration (I still get a little giddy typing and saying that), this week's island theme is actors who have played the Prez. My choice: Luke Wilson.

He starred in a not very well known movie called Idiocracy (which I haven't seen but will be nexflixing shortly) wherein he was frozen/hibernated in a government experiment gone awry. He wakes up 500 years later in a de-evolved society where he is easily the smartest person and thusly elected president. Any why not? He can be my president any day. Take a look at that jaw line, I just want to lick it. He is also pretty damn funny, he guest starred on one of the funniest episodes of the X-Files ever! In fact, if I ever met him I would probably become the flustered giddy school girl that Dana Scully did in Bad Blood.

Welcome to the island Luke, let me show you into my oval office.


My Newest Obsession

My family has a tendency to fixate on things. When we discover a new interest we must learn everything about it (hence my encyclopedic knowledge of the Beatles and my dad's 13 year ongoing Civil War book project). Since catching part of Band of Brothers on TV over the holidays I have, well fixated. In between trying to stomach the absolute absurdity of Twilight and finish it, I have read "Brothers in Battle: Best of Friends" and am making my way through the Band of Brothers DVD set and also reading "Band of Brothers" by Stephen Ambrose and "Easy Company Soldier."

So when I disappear for a while, come back speaking WW II slang, and nominate Damian Lewis as my favorite man in uniform you will understand why.

Normal is so overrated.

Welcome to the Island: Nathan Fillion Edition

What's that you're thinking? "A new island post? It's been ages!" Yes it has, and what can I say? Real life gets in the way sometimes. But I'm baaaacckkkkk. And for my pick: Nathan Fillion:

Some of you may remember him from his short lived stint on Desperate Housewives or when he was One Life to Live (and yes I sadly admit to having watched that soap). His best role (at least until he becomes my personal slave)? Captain Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly/Serenity. It was a short lived TV show that was a space western written by TV God Joss Whedon. Not everyone's cup of tea (I am looking at you Roadtripper!) it certainly was mine, not least of which for him.

He combines an honest moral front with a dark center of don't fuck with me. And he has a great smile and a killer body. Captain Tightpants indeed. Yum.


Like Vodka For The Bitter Divorcée's Soul

One thing I love about being single: having a group of witty, supportive friends who will hold back your hair when you are puking and will send hysterical emails to cheer you up when you are wallowing upon hearing your ex-husband remarried and spawned. Thanks, CKD!

I read your post about the ex. Ok, here are some reasons why you should not feel like a withered old maid.

1.) You are only 30. So young, so much to look forward to.

2.) Jayla Rae is the most fucking retarded name EVER. It sounds like something Britney Spears or an unwed teen mother would name her kid. They probably got it from a soap opera.

3.) You were not ripped a new vag by a human shooting out of it. This is not something to be taken lightly.

4.) You are embarking on so many fabulous adventures and have already made a ton of great new friends since moving to NC.

You are doing great and are fantastic. Seriously. Now enjoy your drink!



Nothing prepares a girl to see this news item while screwing around and haphazardly googling her ex-husband:

New Wife [sic] and Psycho Ex-Husband [sic] of Shit Hole Town in
Washington State [sic], a girl, Jayla Rae , Oct. 30, 2008. Jayla is the granddaughter
of New Wife's [sic] parents Blah Blah and Blah [sic], and Ex-Father-In-Law who
used to drink himself in to a stupor in his workshop [sic] and Ex-Mother-In-Law
who was always hopped up on Prozac [sic] of Nearby Crappy Town [sic].

Crap! I feel like I am going to puke. Knowing Psycho Ex like I do, I guessed he would be so unoriginal as to register at the same story as we did for our wedding. Bingo! The baby registry is still up.


I feel like a withered old maid for sure now.

Do yourself a favor and don't google your ex.

I am off to pour myself a stiff drink.