An Introduction to the Russell-Pfau-Lannon Island Theorem

Anyone who has ever hung out with Rosie and I (and, if you were lucky, Andrea Lannon... RIP) may have wondered why we shout "That man is SO on the island!" upon seeing a hot guy. To understand this, one needs to trace the roots of the Russell-Pfau-Lannon Island Theorem back to our crazed college days.

I really miss college sometimes. Not all that pesky studying or having to sneak food out of the cafeteria in order to stock your fridge. But I do get nostalgic for those nights where everyone would sit around the dorm room and have the most nonsensical, vodka-fueled conversations about off-the-wall subjects. Themes of socialism in Dr. Seuss books? Check. The heavy use of phallic symbols in architecture as a latent reminder of male dominance? Done that. But our finest moment: the creation of a Utopian society located on a fantasy island where my friends and I would turn men in to our sex-slaves. Ching-ching! We have a winner!

This island theory was simple. Andrea, Rosie and I ruled it as a triumvirate. Each of us chose a man to be our king-escort who was our primary companion (sometimes the king-escorts were off-limits to the other friends, other times we would loan them out. No true consensus was ever reached on that topic.) The rest of the island consisted of man-candy ripe for the picking.

Rosie has consistently had Val Kilmer on her throne for 10 years now.

Sadly, Val doesn't quite look like Iceman anymore...

prompting us to add this addendum: All men on the island will be from the stage in their lives where the 3 queens find them the most desirable... even if that was several decades ago.

My king-escort throne has been a revolving door over the years. First it was Peter Wingfield from the TV show Highlander. Past occupants include Russell Crowe, Dave Navarro, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and, for a brief moment, even a Backstreet Boy (shut up!)

My current?

All hail Richard Armitage!

What? You don't know who he is? Shame! Get on Netflix this instant and move BBC's production of "North & South" to the top of your queue. Prepare to swoon with his depiction of John Thornton, a mill owner from the north who is love with a preacher's daughter from the south. Or turn on BBC America for Robin Hood and watch him smolder as Guy of Gisbourne.

Just be careful googling him. My beloved shares a name with Bush's former Deputy Secretary of State who is nowhere near as attractive.

Dirtbag Alert

John Edwards admitted to carrying on an affair with another woman while his wife was battling cancer. Seriously?!? What could possibly make a man go out and chase tail while the woman he claims to love is fighting for her life?

**Disclaimer: I have to own up to voting for this man twice. I was a NC resident when he ran against Lauch Faircloth for the Senate in 1998. I voted for him again in 2004 when he ran with John Kerry. Man... I can never pick the good ones... even when it comes to politics!

I work in a male dominated career field so I get to see this dark side of men. I hear them regale the office with stories of how great their wives are, how they are so very much in love with them and what marvelous cooks/mothers/housekeepers/lays they make.

Then we leave town to go on business trips. The very same men will head straight down to the bar to pick up a sweet unsuspecting young thing for a night of debauchery.

Is monogamy really that out of vogue these days? Are these men seriously that hard up to get laid? Why do they even bother getting married if they are going to continue on with this behavior?

My friend Christen posted this on her website. I hate to crib from her but this is too irresistible!

Couldn't they make this lavender scented?

I got overly zealous in my pursuit of clearing out clutter. I was juggling a huge pile of magazines in a laundry basket and another large box. My hubris led me to believe that I could carry all of this down the stairs to the dumpster without sustaining an injury. Uhhh... bad idea. I managed to to pull a muscle in my lower ribcage. Currently trying to rest and lather myself with the foul smelling Flexall... but I still have so much to do!