Tough Times Are No Excuse For Bad Fashion

I have a dirty little secret: I am a Forever 21 shopper. That's right. A 30 year old woman who buys cheap trendy knock-offs. I even have their website bookmarked and check out the new arrivals at least twice a day because all the cool stuff has a tendency to disappear in the blink of an eye. At least 50 percent of my jewelry comes from there. That cute shirt I wore at New Years? Straight off their website. I love being able to buy frivolous, irreverent trends and not break the bank. When an item goes out of style in a few months, I won't be out more than $30.

Being several years over their intended demographic, I have to use a little restraint. Sure... those shiny faux-leather leggings are kind of hot in Pat Benetar way and are quite the steal at only $22 but probably should never grace an ass over the age of 21. The glen plaid tube dress is really adorable and is a great knock-off of something I have seen Victoria Beckham wear but my tube dress days have passed.

Then there is the fashion that I just don't get:

Those weird hoodies covered with crappy 80s graphics are fugly beyond belief.

I think my grandma has a top like this one.



Then... today... I saw something that truly made my heart hurt.





The return of Hammer pants. Although they are now described as "harem" or "paper bag" pants. What a horribly unwelcome re-trend. Who wants to look like they took a dump in their pants? Fucking Hammer pants! MC Hammer went broke and can now be seen praying all over the Jeebus channel. Is this really who we want as a fashion icon during these troubled times?

Mommy, Can I Be A Porn Star For Halloween This Year?

The question of Halloween costumes came up this weekend. I have a party to go to but no idea what to go as. Since I don't know a lot of people that are going to be there, anything involving heavy make-up or masks is out. No matter how cool the costume, nobody wants to take a chance chatting up a chick whose werewolf mask might actually be a vast improvement on her day-to-day look.

Halloween used to be so easy. I spent the ages of 2 through 10 alternating between dressing up as either Cinderella, Princess Leia or Madonna. My junior and senior high years were all about the scary costumes. College was reserved for the high-brow, over-thought costumes that nobody got. "So... you're like a zombie, huh?" "Yeah, but I am carrying a briefcase. Get it? I'm a corporate zombie. Duh!" Same thing goes for the year I dressed up as a drag queen and spent the night trying to explain how funny it was to be a woman dressed up as a man dressed up as a woman.

Then my 21st birthday rolled around and I entered the bar scene. Halloween hasn't been the same since. No longer is Halloween all about creativity or scariness. Nope. Halloween is now the one holiday when other-wise respectable, educated women can get away with dressing like utter sluts and still look their co-workers in the eye the next day. Slutty cop, slutty fallen angel, slutty Greek goddess, slutty librarian... I have worn them all.





Now I am 30. After looking at a beer wench costume that would really look kick ass with a pair of Mary Jane stilettos I picked up recently, I had to stop and ask myself: When is it time to hang up the slutty Halloween costumes?

Talk amongst yourselves. I haven't hit the checkout button for that slutty Eve costume in my online shopping cart either.

My Favorite Things

Fellow blogger CKD has a regular feature on her site showcasing her love of over-priced but fabulous cosmetics. Knowing a fellow product whore when she sees one, she issued up the challenge to me. Here goes a list of my favorite things (alternate title: How Roadtripper Gets Free Shipping From Sephora By Spending Way Over $50 With Each Purchase)




Benefit Eye Bright: Blame my genetics because I can roll out of bed after a solid 12 hour slumber sporting dark circles under my eyes that would indicate an all-night drinking binge. A quick swipe of this snazzy pink pencil makes me look well-rested and completely zenful even after the worst bout of insomnia.



OPI nailpolish: I adore OPI and don't even blink when I shell out almost $10 for a bottle. This stuff lasts forever and the colors never streak. My recent obsession has been their Royal Navy color, which has enjoyed heavy rotation on my toe nails all summer long.



Philosophy Hope in a Jar: Hands down, the best moisterizer for my skin. Not at all greasy, absorbs instantly and makes my skin feel like buttah.



Anastasia Perfect Brow Pencil in Strawburn: My brows are ridiculously sparse. For years, the only light pencils I could find were ash-blonde and ended up making me look like Ash Wednesday Gone Awry. Anastasia has a fabulous color called Strawburn that is perfect for those of us with an autumn palette.



Revlon ColorStay Mineral Lipglaze: Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I am always smoking a cigarette or sipping a soda, wreaking havoc on any lipstick I wear. This recent drugstore find holds for hours without turning my lips in to a chapped, dried-out mess.



Philosophy Red Velvet Cake 3-in-1 Shower Gel: Any southern girl goes bat shit crazy for red velvet cake. This stuff smells so delish... sans those pesky calories and fat grams.




John Frieda Brilliant Brunette Shine Shock: Makes hair glisten. Not just for brunettes either... I have had almost every color on the Redken wheel and this stuff works like a charm. A bright and very shiney charm.

Make It Stop!

Everyone knows how much I hate American Apparel ads. But I think they may have outdone themselves this time:



There is such a dark undercurrent running through this ad that makes my liberal heart go all aflutter. Spelling Africa with a K? It is a shout out to Afrikaners, or white colonial Africans. Throw in the lily white model "seductively" posing in tribal prints... seriously, this is so yucky! I really wish American Apparel would just take their ads and go away.

A Little Warning Would Be Appreciated Here

I am not going to lie: I spend a sizable chunk of my work day surfing blogs. Now that I only have 2 days left at my current job, that amount of time has increased exponentially. One advertisement in particular has been popping up on every site I visit and it is driving me nuts.

Are they hawking socks or an orgy?

I am not a fan of American Apparel anyways. I think that it is a way-overpriced version of Hanes with "hipsters" as its target audience. The ads really kill me. Sure, sex sells but helloooooo.... some of us illegally surf the web for a living. How about a little NSFW warning? I was complaining about it to one of my friends who sent me this. Unlike American Apparel, I will warn my readers that you do not want your boss looking over your shoulder while reading this one.