Dirtbag Alert: The Pickup Artist

I spent this Sunday trying to regain my sanity after an invasion by out-of-town relatives. Complete sensory overload the last few days led me to loll on the couch and watch my DVR recordings that have been piling up over the last few weeks.

The worst guilty pleasure? The second season of VH-1's "The Pickup Artist". Ladies, arm yourself against stealth attacks by drunken idiots in bars by watching this ridiculous show. There are men out there who actually buy in to this drivel. The show centers on turning lovable geeks with no game in to so-called "ladies' men". Too bad their tutor is a former magician called Mystery who advocates wearing black nail polish, goggles, feather boas and top hats as a way to lure the ladies in. He calls it "peacocking"; I call it "dressing like a moron." Mystery teaches the use of winning opening lines such as:

"Let me ask you a question: Would you ever sleep with a guy named Herman?"
"Hey... did you see the fight outside?" (when there was no fight)

Of course, I will probably just be accused of "negging" him but I declare an official Dirtbag Alert on anything Pickup Artist-related.

Oh yeah... you are so sexy! Hold me back. No, really... hold me back, please.

Want real advice on the art of seduction? Just watch my beloved Jon Hamm's skit on SNL. Sadly, this comedy skit is way sexier than anything that goofy magician could offer up.

Or, perhaps even better, Captain Kirk's Guide to Women:

What The Fugg?

When UGG boots came out, I threw up a little in my mouth. I swore that I would never succumb, no matter how comfortable or warm they may be. Even when the UGG knock-offs (fake + UGG = Fugg) flooded the market and offered up a cheaper alternative, I remained resolute.

Resolute... that is, until the weather turned cooler and I needed a way to keep my feet warm when smoking out on my balcony.

Yeah... I answered the sirens' call of Fuggs. These things are hideous but dammit if they aren't warm. I do promise to never wear these monstrosities outside of the house (albeit that quick run to the grocery store the other night!)