My karma ran over your dogma: Tuesday, January 13, 2009

1/13/09

Like Vodka For The Bitter Divorcée's Soul

One thing I love about being single: having a group of witty, supportive friends who will hold back your hair when you are puking and will send hysterical emails to cheer you up when you are wallowing upon hearing your ex-husband remarried and spawned. Thanks, CKD!

I read your post about the ex. Ok, here are some reasons why you should not feel like a withered old maid.

1.) You are only 30. So young, so much to look forward to.

2.) Jayla Rae is the most fucking retarded name EVER. It sounds like something Britney Spears or an unwed teen mother would name her kid. They probably got it from a soap opera.

3.) You were not ripped a new vag by a human shooting out of it. This is not something to be taken lightly.

4.) You are embarking on so many fabulous adventures and have already made a ton of great new friends since moving to NC.

You are doing great and are fantastic. Seriously. Now enjoy your drink!

The User's Manual

Bad Wolf and Roadtripper8 have been friends since their college days at Purdue University. Bad Wolf was the studious quiet one while Roadtripper was the party girl. They bonded over a mutual love of the X-Files. The friendship was solidified a few months later when they threw themselves out of a perfectly good airplane. Life over the past 11 years has led Bad Wolf to find her voice... and she hasn't stopped talking since. Roadtripper is a little less likely to start a bar fight these days.

Bad Wolf is a Beatles fanatic who is feeling blue in Elvis-crazy Memphis. You can often find her stomping around in 4 inch heeled boots, wearing heavy vintage coats despite 80 degree heat and bursting in to off-key song whenever she feels like it. She takes being called a snob as a compliment. Bad Wolf serves in the US Navy, and will probably punch you if you start singing the Village People's "In The Navy".

Bad Wolf Likes: English pubs, bumper stickers, carbs, Harry Potter, guys with blonde hair, peacocks, Sephora, hard cider, Dr. Who, her dad's home cooking, the BBC, the Indianapolis Colts

Bad Wolf Hates: tomatoes, roses, flat shoes, FOX news, hip-hop music (unless she is drunk on the dance floor), skinny jeans, Diet Coke, playing pool

Roadtripper8 recently downshifted in life and relocated from the hustle of the DC metro to a quiet coastal town in North Carolina. An Army veteran and analyst for the defense industry, she spends most of her day listening to co-workers tell BS war stories and trying not to gouge her own eyeballs out. To relieve stress, she cruises the aisles of her local Target, frequents bad karoake bars and clings to the belief that Bloody Marys can solve anything. She was born on the cusp of Leo and Virgo which just means she gets to pick whichever horoscope sounds best for the day and can't make up her mind if she wants to be a blonde or redhead.

Roadtripper Likes: Twizzlers, Bravo reality TV shows, pugs, high thread count sheets, boxed wine, honeysuckle, argyle, stuffy period pieces, the beach, sushi, Mad Men, tarot cards

Roadtripper Hates: non-smoking sections, traffic, carrot cake, pina coladas, the Christian Right, pukka shell necklaces, kids who wear Wheelies, patchouli, pickles, Disney movies

My karma ran over your dogma

1/13/09

Like Vodka For The Bitter Divorcée's Soul

Where to next?

In The Driver's Seat

The User's Manual

The Rear View Mirror

The Passenger Seat

Fellow Roadtrippers

Mile Markers