Welcome to the Island: Chris Isaak

Many of you all may have been wondering where Roadtripper and I have been. Reality went and swallowed us whole for a while. But we are back, I even have the nagging cough to prove it. And to thank you for nagging us to continue with the island, I bring you Chris Isaak!

How can you not be turned on by this man? That Elvis, Rockabilly style, Billy Idol sneer, voice even Roy Orbison would be jealous of. Yowza! And as Roadtripper and I went to a concert of his, got his autograph, and saw him up close and personal we can tell you, he is even better looking in person. That arm and little bit of face on the left hand side of the pic? Totally Chris Isaak!

I think I am off to take a cold shower. Damn!


Welcome To The Island: Father Gabriel Byrne

Too bad I am not Catholic or else I could have given up posting late blog entries for Lent.

But being the heathen that I am, not only can I miss my blog deadline due to two consecutive nights of excess and lust, but I also get to think impure thoughts about actors who have played religious figures. My island inductee this week is Gabriel Byrne. Quite the paradox with this man, who traded in his starched white collar for his role as a priest in Stigmata and immediately took a role as the Prince of Darkness in End of Days. No matter if he fights on the side of good or evil, he is seriously sexy doing either. Rugged jawline, sharp blue eyes and the sexiest accent complete with Irish lilt. I would fall to my knees for Gabriel Byrne... but I probably wouldn't be doing much praying.

Say a little prayer for Roadtripper, Father Gabriel, because that last statement may have seriously paved my way to Hell! Until then, we always have the island...


Welcome to the Island: Actors as Religious Figures

As Roadtripper and I pretty much have a reserved seat on the roller coaster to Hell, we have no problem using Lent as an opportunity to add actors who have played religious figures as our next island additions. And I look no further than James Caviezel. Who you may ask? You may know him from Angel Eyes but he played none other than Jesus in Passion Of The Christ. You probably most remember him for his incredible, burn right into your soul eyes.

Just looking into those eyes and that face makes me imagine plenty of confession worthy thoughts. Welcome to the island James, Mary Magdalene has nothing on me.


Welcome To The Island: Uhh... What's His Name Again?

I watched a movie last night with the hottest guy in it.

What's his name?

Hmmm... I dunno. He has a great smile and cute dimples. Pretty blue eyes. Curly sun-streaked hair. But what is his name?

He kind of reminds me of Matthew McConaughey, only with better grooming habits. Or a sunnier Brad Pitt.

Ooooohhhh... it's Bradley Cooper. You know... that guy!

Welcome to the Island: You Know, That Guy

Everyone knows the marquee name movie stars: Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, etc. But you also have "that guy." He seems to be in every third movie made but you never know the guy's name. And generally, that guy, is a better actor than the top billed star, stealing most scenes. So as Roadtripper and I salute "that guy", I present you with:

His name, I honestly don't remember right now, and besides Lost is on. But you probably remember him from Prison Break, The Longest Yard, Armageddon, and many other movies. Usually playing a dickhead. So why do I want him on the island? There is just something about "that guy." Welcome to the island, maybe with enough practice, you will become something more than that guy.


Welcome To The Island: All Hail James Purefoy

I never understood why HBO pulled the series Rome after only two seasons. It was prime girl porn. Tons of hot guys running around in togas and some very raunchy sex scenes. I own both seasons on DVD and was thrilled when I converted Bad Wolf in to a Rome-luva!

With all the prime men running around (shirtless) in the series, it is kind of tough to pick just one but I will pledge my allegiance to James Purefoy's Marc Anthony any day. Yowza!

I will fully own up to the fact that Rome's love of male full frontal nudity didn't hurt. And James Purefoy... yeah... he was one of the ones who willingly dropped his toga. Just type his name in to YouTube to see what all the fuss was about over him. Until then, enjoy this little moment of (near naked) bliss....

Your Keyser Soze Moment of Zen

For anyone who loves The Daily Show and the Unusual Suspects is an awesome video from last night's episode. Evidently, some people think that President Obama is the anti-christ. The Daily Show mocks its obvious ridiculousness with a twist of Usual Suspects. It's definitely worth a few chuckles. Especially after my semi-poopy day.

Welcome to the Island: When in Rome Edition

I had often heard Roadtripper expound on the wonders of HBO's Rome. I never really got it. Until last summer when I had the joy of finally catching it while visiting her and Candace. And Yowza, did I get it!

Those eyes! That integrity combined with a look that says I will fuck your shit up if you piss me off. Once seeing his portrayal of Lucius Vorenus on Rome, i quickly netflixed the rest of the series and also watched Made of Honor. Made of Honor, and I am not a Patrick Dempsey fan! Then I look into those eyes again and forget Dempsey entirely.

Welcome to the Island Kevin. Don't worry, I've been to Pompeii and have seen their brothels, I know a few positions I can point out for us.


Why Is There An Orgy On The Dance Floor?

I arrived back home from my Virginia business trip late Friday afternoon. Some friends of mine had plans to go to Jacksonville's finest country and western establishment, The Tarheel. My original idea was that I would be too tired and irritated after working all morning and a five hour drive home (especially after that nice chat with Martin County's sheriff about my lead foot when he pulled me over for going 70mph in a 55mph zone). Not to mention that I think line dancing is fairly ridiculous unless you are completely inebriated (even then, it is still a tad ridiculous). And yet, despite being road weary and worn out, I couldn't resist the siren's call of The Tarheel. I'd heard too much about this place.

And I wasn't disappointed.

Are any of my readers familiar with Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's song "Fishin' In The Dark"? It is a little ditty chock full of double entendres about a guy taking his girl out for some... well... ahem... fishin'. Not exactly subtle but kind of cute.

Cute is not what The Tarheel had in mind when they came up with their well known dance for this song:

Holy crap! There was some baby-making going on out there. No, seriously. Some of them are going to have a tangible reminder of Friday night's activities in about nine months.

A guy that I had been talking to noticed my mouth agape and asked if I wanted to be "fished". I usually don't let a guy gyrate on top of me until I at least know his last name. He assured me that he would be (and, yes, I quote) "a gentleman". Since I have never been dry-humped in a gentlemanly manner, I laid down on a filthy dance floor and allowed 6 foot 3 giant to dance over me. Go ahead and judge me. It. Was. Awesome!

Don't be surprised if you are dancing at my wedding to "Fishin' In The Dark". I am obsessed with this song now! Oh yeah... and that guy cooked me dinner last night. Because who can resist a dry-humping gentleman?


Welcome to the Island: Completely Random Edition

As Roadtripper is away with limited time and access, she will be unable to provide another inductee onto the island this week. Thusly, it is my completely random edition. So I thought, and thought, and thought and had that light bulb moment. Why not do the original bad boy. We all know the one. The one with the leather jacket, bad attitude, fast car, kissable, delicious lips that so easily formed into a snarl. But behind it all eyes that spoke of inner turmoil that the scarred emotional boy that you knew was in there and could save.

So of course my choice is James Dean. With those eyes, lips, great hair, aforementioned bad boy image, and oh, did I mention that he's also from the great state of Indiana?

Welcome to the Island, James. You were taken from us way too soon but here you will live forever.


Welcome to the Island: Lost Redux Edition

As Roadtripper previously mentioned, we are both thoroughly obsessed with Lost and as with as many hot men as there are on that island it most definitely deserves a second week. If I could find my way to that island I most definitely would. My first stop? To see Desmond (Henry Ian Cusick):

His heartbreaking reunion with his constant, Penny, last season fortunately did not mean that we would be seeing less of him now. I need me as much of that accent, face, and body as I can get. Now come here, you're used to pushing buttons every 108 minutes and I know just the button you can press.

Welcome To The Island: I'm Lost Again!

But wait... didn't we already dedicate a week of our Island picks to LOST? The answer is yes and yes but Bad Wolf and I are slaves to the genius show put out by Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. And LOST is firing on all cylinders this season so it deserves mega praise. And LOST in all about things coming back around full circle. And...

******Spoiler alert******

*****Don't scroll down if you are a lame ass who hasn't watched last week's LOST*******

*****I mean it, dammit!********

they brought back Jin!!!!!!!!

Lindelof and Cuse have a history of writing off their wayward, booze hound cast after brushes with Hawaii's finest (Question to cast of LOST: what is it about living in paradise that makes you hit the bottle so hard?)

I thought that Daniel Dae Kim was the latest causality after his DUI caused those evil powers that be to place him on the freighter that blew up last season... which sucked because I so heart his character Jin. Not to mention, I was really starting to miss the eye candy that Daniel Dae Kim brought to the show. Imagine my school girl squeal of glee when they rolled over a washed up man last week to reveal that even a DUI can't keep this hotness down!

My only complaint: he washed up ashore with his shirt intact. I mean... really?!?! C'mon, Lindelof and Cuse... how can you let the opportunity for showing off this perfection pass by?

Interesting factoid I discovered while IMBDing Daniel Dae Kim: he went to the same high school as fellow Island inductee and mega-hottie Dwayne Johnson. What do they put in the water there?


I Need An Excuse To Throw Back Some Martinis Tonight

Bad Wolf has pointed out that I've been having a bad week. Both of my home computers were out of commission (one due to a virus, the other experienced a fan meltdown that almost set my home office on fire). Work has been really shitty lately too. I am in an office of workaholics who think that it is truly okay to work ten days straight, with a day constituting at least ten hours. And don't you dare think that you can take five minutes for a "lunch break" that involves shoving a scalding hot Lean Cuisine down your gullet. Lunch breaks are for slackers.

This girl needs a drink!

Luckily, I discovered that today, February 7th is:

Dump Your Significant Jerk Day

Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day

not to mention...

National Fettuccine Alfredo Day

Too bad it isn't Lock Your Workaholic Colleagues in a Basement Day!


Obama Is The New Waldo

As in... where the hell is he?!?!?

This is the wall in my office's entry way where the chain of command is supposed to be displayed. See that vacant spot on the top left? That's where the Commander in Chief should be.

Bush's face still graced this spot until Monday. I "gently" reminded our Staff Sergeant that there was a new sheriff in town and that the wall needed to be updated. He took down Bush but, four days later, I am still waiting for the new picture.


Welcome to the Island: Footballer Edition

And what better footballer to have on this week after the Super Bowl than Peyton Manning. Yeah, I know the Indianapolis Colts weren't in the Super Bowl but they are my favorite team and Peyton Manning has a lot to do with it.

His nose looks like it has taken a few hits but I do dig those blonds. I think it is the combination of the blond, incredible work ethic and leadership, the fact that he led my team to its first super bowl a few years ago, and the fact that he could use that incredible footballer's body to toss me around like he does the pigskin. And all that stretching, I can pretend it's really just preparing for his performance with me after the game:

Welcome to the Island Peyton, don't worry I will definitely keep you in shape and increase your stamina.

Addendum to Post: Roadtripper is currently overworked and computer-less. And since she doesn't care about football she has picked David Beckham as her footballer. I guess I wasn't specific about the type of football, huh? Still, I think she would approve of the pic:


Stephen King, One More Reason I Love Him

"Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people... The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."

So says Stephen King, the master of the truly terrifying during an interview with USA Weekend.

Finally! Someone with some sense, says what many of us have been thinking since we read that trashtastic (and not in the awesome V. C. Andrews way) book. He goes on to say that:

"A lot of the physical side of it is conveyed in things like the vampire will touch her forearm or run a hand over skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that's a shorthand for all the feelings that they're not ready to deal with yet."

Yes! Hello, all of you tweens and middle age housewives out there! Vampires=sex and um vampires... they shouldn't sparkle. And watching you all night without your knowledge? That's not flattering, it's stalking.

Thank you Mr. King. Now get out there and write another book and show her how it is really done.


Tough Times Are No Excuse For Bad Fashion

I have a dirty little secret: I am a Forever 21 shopper. That's right. A 30 year old woman who buys cheap trendy knock-offs. I even have their website bookmarked and check out the new arrivals at least twice a day because all the cool stuff has a tendency to disappear in the blink of an eye. At least 50 percent of my jewelry comes from there. That cute shirt I wore at New Years? Straight off their website. I love being able to buy frivolous, irreverent trends and not break the bank. When an item goes out of style in a few months, I won't be out more than $30.

Being several years over their intended demographic, I have to use a little restraint. Sure... those shiny faux-leather leggings are kind of hot in Pat Benetar way and are quite the steal at only $22 but probably should never grace an ass over the age of 21. The glen plaid tube dress is really adorable and is a great knock-off of something I have seen Victoria Beckham wear but my tube dress days have passed.

Then there is the fashion that I just don't get:

Those weird hoodies covered with crappy 80s graphics are fugly beyond belief.

I think my grandma has a top like this one.

Then... today... I saw something that truly made my heart hurt.

The return of Hammer pants. Although they are now described as "harem" or "paper bag" pants. What a horribly unwelcome re-trend. Who wants to look like they took a dump in their pants? Fucking Hammer pants! MC Hammer went broke and can now be seen praying all over the Jeebus channel. Is this really who we want as a fashion icon during these troubled times?

Welcome To The Island: "Prime Minister" Hugh Grant

All the things that I love about British guys exist in the lusciousness that is Hugh Grant. He has perfected that style of bed head that American chaps can never seem to pull off. He stutters and stampers in the most adorable way. He possesses a dry, witty sense of humor. He is a closet freak (Divine Brown, anyone?)

In fact, he was the perfect person to represent jolly old England and play the Prime Minister in Love Actually. Last week, the Island was all about hot actors who had played American presidents. This week, we extend of love to our sexy cousins across the pond.

As an added bonus, check out Hugh in his turn as Prime Minister in my fave scene from the movie. How the man can juggle being a complete dork yet totally lickable at the same time is beyond me... but I love every minute of it! Yup... he puts the prime in prime minister.

Welcome to the Island: Actors Who Play Prime Ministers Edition

Hot on the heels of actors who have played the President, is our actors who have played the Prime Minister Edition of the Island. (Who better of an ally to the president than the Prime Minister? I won't even mention Israel with the latest mess going on) Who better to usher it in than Anthony Stewart Head:

I don't even remember on what movie/miniseries he played the PM in, I trust Roadtripper's imdb knowledge in that. All I needed to know was Anthony Stewart Head. Now many of you may remember him from Buffy, or as I do from an episode of the greatest Sci-Fi show ever, Doctor Who, or maybe from the old Taster's Choice/Nescafe commercials. Whatever from, I am sure you do remember him. He combines the velvetiest of accents (if you have never heard Once More With Feeling, you are missing out on a lovely singing voice as well) with that undeniable attraction of a fine older man with a hint of danger.

I posted this pic because it makes me want to lick and nibble his neck

And hell, do I even need a sign off sentence with the last name Head? Welcome to the island Anthony, you'll find your name in use quite often here.

How I Spent My Snow Day Part II or Come Get Lost With Me

So after driving two thirds of the way to work because it was 0730 and work starts at 0730 and none of the local tv stations said the base was closed and I hate to be late, I finally got the call from my Chief: Base is closed, turn around and go home. Woo-hoo! But what to do? I am unfortunately, already wide awake so I can't go back to sleep. Then I saw a commercial for Lost tonight. And then the light bulb hit: I'll catch up on Lost! So in between my daily 100 crunches and reading the latest Ian Rankin and more on my WW II obsession, I started re-watching Lost from the beginning:

And I remembered why this show is so damn awesome and the reason Roadtripper and I are not to be disturbed on Wednesday evenings. If you don't watch it, it is not too late. They just started the second to last season. Netflix it, beg or borrow it from friends but do not miss it. It is a show for those who love a show that will take them for a ride and have them searching their library and the internet afterwards for what each name and remote clue means. Rewatching the first season I remembered how much I love Sayid and Hurley (I would love to see them in a buddy comedy movie together!). How much I do not miss Boone or Shannon. How much I miss Walt and how much I want to find out what the Hell is up with Claire. Besides giving your brain a tripped out ride that the X-Files never quite accomplished, it is an adventure show and thoroughly delves into each character. It is easily the best show on TV period. Sorry, 30 Rock, Mad Men, House or whatever banal shit you pollute your mind with. If you only watch two shows one of them should be Lost. Your brain will be better for it, your cocktail party dinner conversation too.

Random Rambllings or How I Spent My Snow Day Part I

I was lucky enough today to be granted a snow day. And for Memphis, TN that only required about an inch of ice below an inch of snow. Still it was beautiful and inspired my haphazard love of photography. So through my handy dandy camera and some playing with the color on my computer I present Snowbound in Tennessee. Should I continue on with my intermittent love of photography or keep it to drunken pictures or roadtripper and I?


You Go, Girl... And Take That Fab Hat With You!

I recently donned a ridiculously large hat for my club's outing to an English tea house. It. Was. Awesome. We have another tea party coming up in March. I am planning the entire outfit around the hat. Hats are awesome... but ridiculously large church hats with bows, feathers and nets are even better!
So everyone hating on Aretha Franklin's bomb ass hat worn at the inauguration... get over it! She is the queen of soul and can out sing anyone, thus earning her the right to do whatever she pleases when she performs. And I thought the hat kicked ass! Maybe I can find one like it for my next tea party...

A Glimpse In To My Cubicle

The average American spends at least 40 hours a week at work. Since I average quite a bit more than that, I spend more time with my co-workers than with my family or even my closest friends. They are quite a motley crew: all men, all former military (and Marines at that. I am the only former Army... something they remind me of at least once a day) and all (at one point in time) prone to me having vivid daydreams of stapling their mouths shut.

A thumbnail sketch of each of my co-workers:

The Socially Retarded Techie- He is that guy in the SNL skit that rolls his eyes at you while you try to explain what is wrong with a computer then shoves you out of the way with a "Moooooove!" He has a bad comb-over and his hands shake constantly. I almost clocked him once when he snuck up behind me and blew in my ear. He likes to look down my shirt.

The Post Traumatic Stress Guy- Drinks like a fish and tells war stories all day long. Really graphic ones. I once saw him lay his fork and knife over a plate in the sign of a cross and say "For my fallen brothers." He refused to eat another bite but didn't slow down ordering more tequila shots. Guess his fallen comrades weren't thirsty. He is prone to busting out his tai chi moves in the middle of the hallway. I am actually a little scared of this one.

Rainman- Sits right across the cubicle with me. Mutters under his breath about every action. "Must fill out time sheet" "How do I get Column A to equal Column B?" "Don't forget to call Sgt. Smith". I am waiting for him to start blathering on about Judge Wapner being on at 3 o'clock and reminding himself that he has to buy his underwear from K-mart. I once asked him if he was one of those people who likes to think out loud or if he was looking for feedback. He got pissed and started muttering about how nobody listens to him. He was once told that he was second in command of the office but gets mad when we call him Number Two.

The Femi-Nazi Hunter- Usually a pretty cool guy... except when he has listened to too much Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh or some other right wing radio. Or maybe when his wife pisses him off. Then watch out! I can't say anything without being told that I am a man-hater. He also has an annoying habit of telling me that I am a few years away from becoming the cat lady.

The Pretty Boy- Another example of a guy that I like 99% of the time even though he uses more hair gel in a day than I do in an entire month. I enjoy hearing his love life exploits on smoke breaks. Except for the time that he told me "I actually like girls who are a little anorexic... at least I know they are going to stay skinny." That made me want to put him in a head lock and mess up that perfectly gelled hair.

The One Who Looks Down His Nose At Me- Literally. He loves to tell long, condescending stories. Whenever I try to counter, he holds up his hand and asks "May I finish please?" then continues to lecture for another ten minutes. He also loves to mimic me (poorly, might I add). Seeing him do his impersonation of me, you would think I was a Flava of Love girl complete with neck rolls and smacking lips. His most common phrases are "Don't look at me like that" or "Don't raise your eyebrows at me like that". I guess he feels the need to fill the void now that my father is six hours away.

Fingers crossed that none of them ever stumble across this post. But if they do... have a sense of humor, guys! If I can't laugh at you, who can?


Welcome To The Island: Josh Brolin

A changing of the guard has taken place and the reign of Dubya has finally ended... except on our island!! Don't fret, dear readers, I have not gone mad and chosen George to be on our island, but rather an actor who played the former president in Oliver Stone's 2008 satire W. (and rather well, might I add). Welcome to the Hot Guys Who Played a President Edition.

Enter Josh Brolin. Oh, how I love his brooding dark looks. And his sexy gravely voice. And his mad talent. And that smirk.

Plus he was a Goonie... and we all know "Goonies never say die!" (Not sure what I meant there but I couldn't possibly top Bad Wolf's "in my Oval Office" sign-off... that was the best I could come up with!)


Welcome to the Island: Luke Wilson Edition

In honor of President Obama's inauguration (I still get a little giddy typing and saying that), this week's island theme is actors who have played the Prez. My choice: Luke Wilson.

He starred in a not very well known movie called Idiocracy (which I haven't seen but will be nexflixing shortly) wherein he was frozen/hibernated in a government experiment gone awry. He wakes up 500 years later in a de-evolved society where he is easily the smartest person and thusly elected president. Any why not? He can be my president any day. Take a look at that jaw line, I just want to lick it. He is also pretty damn funny, he guest starred on one of the funniest episodes of the X-Files ever! In fact, if I ever met him I would probably become the flustered giddy school girl that Dana Scully did in Bad Blood.

Welcome to the island Luke, let me show you into my oval office.


My Newest Obsession

My family has a tendency to fixate on things. When we discover a new interest we must learn everything about it (hence my encyclopedic knowledge of the Beatles and my dad's 13 year ongoing Civil War book project). Since catching part of Band of Brothers on TV over the holidays I have, well fixated. In between trying to stomach the absolute absurdity of Twilight and finish it, I have read "Brothers in Battle: Best of Friends" and am making my way through the Band of Brothers DVD set and also reading "Band of Brothers" by Stephen Ambrose and "Easy Company Soldier."

So when I disappear for a while, come back speaking WW II slang, and nominate Damian Lewis as my favorite man in uniform you will understand why.

Normal is so overrated.

Welcome to the Island: Nathan Fillion Edition

What's that you're thinking? "A new island post? It's been ages!" Yes it has, and what can I say? Real life gets in the way sometimes. But I'm baaaacckkkkk. And for my pick: Nathan Fillion:

Some of you may remember him from his short lived stint on Desperate Housewives or when he was One Life to Live (and yes I sadly admit to having watched that soap). His best role (at least until he becomes my personal slave)? Captain Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly/Serenity. It was a short lived TV show that was a space western written by TV God Joss Whedon. Not everyone's cup of tea (I am looking at you Roadtripper!) it certainly was mine, not least of which for him.

He combines an honest moral front with a dark center of don't fuck with me. And he has a great smile and a killer body. Captain Tightpants indeed. Yum.


Like Vodka For The Bitter Divorcée's Soul

One thing I love about being single: having a group of witty, supportive friends who will hold back your hair when you are puking and will send hysterical emails to cheer you up when you are wallowing upon hearing your ex-husband remarried and spawned. Thanks, CKD!

I read your post about the ex. Ok, here are some reasons why you should not feel like a withered old maid.

1.) You are only 30. So young, so much to look forward to.

2.) Jayla Rae is the most fucking retarded name EVER. It sounds like something Britney Spears or an unwed teen mother would name her kid. They probably got it from a soap opera.

3.) You were not ripped a new vag by a human shooting out of it. This is not something to be taken lightly.

4.) You are embarking on so many fabulous adventures and have already made a ton of great new friends since moving to NC.

You are doing great and are fantastic. Seriously. Now enjoy your drink!



Nothing prepares a girl to see this news item while screwing around and haphazardly googling her ex-husband:

New Wife [sic] and Psycho Ex-Husband [sic] of Shit Hole Town in
Washington State [sic], a girl, Jayla Rae , Oct. 30, 2008. Jayla is the granddaughter
of New Wife's [sic] parents Blah Blah and Blah [sic], and Ex-Father-In-Law who
used to drink himself in to a stupor in his workshop [sic] and Ex-Mother-In-Law
who was always hopped up on Prozac [sic] of Nearby Crappy Town [sic].

Crap! I feel like I am going to puke. Knowing Psycho Ex like I do, I guessed he would be so unoriginal as to register at the same story as we did for our wedding. Bingo! The baby registry is still up.


I feel like a withered old maid for sure now.

Do yourself a favor and don't google your ex.

I am off to pour myself a stiff drink.