An Excuse To Play With My Food Again

Aren't these just the cutest little salt and pepper shakers? I saw them at Urban Outfitters a few months ago (pssst! You can order them off amazon for half the price!) and had to have them. They are absolutely adorable.

R U There, God? It Really Is Margaret Here. Please Send Help!

I know the above picture is probably a Photo-shop project. If it were real, it wouldn't be the bikini that would bother me. If a 44 year old woman can rock a bikini that well, I am completely willing to give an "atta girl!" What bothers me is the insane objectification of women with guns. I have been subjected to numerous news clips of staged photo-ops with Sarah Palin at the shooting range, fondling a semi-automatic while falling back on that beauty pageant smile of hers, not a hair of that Peggy Hill bouffant out of place. Each time, I fly in to a blind rage. This is supposed to be an example of a strong woman? She looks like the new limited edition Guns & Ammo Barbie.

What is it about women and guns that makes men go nuts? Even more perplexing is why do women feed in to this insane behavior? I stayed awake long enough during Freshman Pysch 101 to hear about Freud's asinine theories of phallic symbols and penis envy. I think Freud just needed to get laid more often.

I served in the Army so I am no stranger to guns. Hell, I even own one. I take anytime where I am armed very seriously. I am not trying to be sexy or cute. I am not trying to get laid. Mine is owned for self-defense only. Not exactly sexy time.

Anytime a woman (or man, for that matter) picks up a gun, they need to respect it. Gun ownership is a double-edged sword. Yes, it is our American right (as any NRA enthusiast will tell you). But, as with any right, comes responsibility. Take it seriously. And quit catering to caveman fantasies.

Is This An Election Or A Prime-Time Soap Opera?

First came the whispers that Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin had faked her last pregnancy and that her 5 month old son was actually her grandson born to her eldest daughter. How very Bree Van de Kamp-Hodge a la Desperate Housewives.

What's next... an affair with the gardener or a mysterious box buried in the back yard?

While watching Hurricane Gustav coverage today, I saw news break that Palin's 17 year old daughter is in fact currently in the family way (and in true Protestant Republican fashion, will soon be marrying the baby's daddy). Despite cries of "leave the poor girl alone", I do have this to say to her mother: How's that preaching abstinence only high school sex education program that you advocate in your home state of Alaska working out? Yeah... not so well, huh? Maybe some free condoms in the nurse's office wouldn't have been such a bad idea after all.

Who's Going To Pick Me For Their Kickball Team?

I got a response from that Meetup.com group that I requested membership to:

"Hello and thank you for your application to join Jacksonville women's
social group.
Please see our rules:
Upload a profile image of yourself, fill in your profile information and be
contactable by email.
Maintain membership by signing in bi-weekly.
No login after 1month = removal.
Members must attend 1 meetup within 2 months to maintain membership.
Turn 'maybes' into yes or no by the RSVP deadline.If not certain you can
attend, RSVP 'maybe'.
Check if the meetup invites guests & RSVP them.
If unable to attend after an RSVP of 'yes' email attending members &
call/text organizer ASAP. Unexplained no shows will have their membership
canceled.
The age bracket is 21 to 35. No exceptions.
You must presently reside in the Jacksonville area.
Refrain from pushing or discussing your religion & politics at our meetup's or through this website.
Your membership implies acceptance of the group rules and maybe canceled if
rules are broken.These rules can be updated as needed.
Your application is being decided upon by the group and we will let you know when we have finalized the decision."

Wow... seriously?!? I had a flashback to gym class where they line everyone up against the wall to pick teams. Or freshman year sorority rush. These women don't play around. Maybe I should have taken their membership form a little more seriously. When asked what I could contribute to the group, my response was that I make a mean Bloody Mary hangover cure that everyone would appreciate after a hard night of drinking. Oops!

Is it really this difficult to make friends these days? I think joining a cult would be easier!

There Has To Be A Form Of Therapy For This

This is the keep pile... and doesn't include all my flip-flops!

I am nose-deep in boxes now. The hardest part of the day was dragging my shoe collection in to the living room to sort through. I love my shoes. I actually found myself getting sentimental over some of them, even though they are certified torture devices. As an avid watcher of the Style Network's "Clean House", I followed their advice of taking pictures of beloved items that you are giving up so that you can always remember.


I've had these since 2000. I was in the Army stationed at Ft. Huachuca, AZ for AIT. After being stuck wearing only uniforms for several months, we had finally reached the stage of training where we were allowed to wear civilian clothes and go out on the weekends. I was at the mall with the guy I later ended up marrying when I saw these Steve Maddens on display. I actually let out a shriek of joy and almost mowed down an elderly lady to get to them. My ex just shook him head in disbelief... until he saw the $60 price tag and he freaked. That should have been the first sign on why I shouldn't have married him... and besides... they were on sale.

I paraded around in these shoes for several years. They are horribly uncomfortable. All the weight on the bottom is only supported by those thin straps on top, causing for horrible dig marks on the upper foot. The footbed is actually kind of pillow-like but that causes for a horrible hissing sound everytime you put your weight down.



I bought these while visiting Atlanta in 2004. I had found an awesome shirt to wear out to the Buckhead district that night but realized that I had only packed black shoes. These were picked up at Nine West despite the fact that they really are a half size too small. I somehow managed to get up on the bar at Coyote Ugly to dance with these things on. They are, by far, the most uncomfortable things I have ever forced my feet in to. I could barely walk the next day.


Another Nine West purchase that I wore to the Marine Corps Ball in 2004 with an ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend was secretly a cross-dresser who actually tried on my dress the next day while I was at work and took a picture of himself all dolled up in drag. No ill will towards him (who now lives as a her and shall be addressed as she for the rest of this entry). I know she reads my blog so I will say this: no woman can get over seeing someone else looking better in her own dress. The shoes are a little tainted in my mind, even though she didn't have those on in the picture.

No matter how much I tried scuffing up the bottoms of this shoes, they remain super slick and almost send me flying. The heel on them is very skinny and wobbley. Not the easiest shoes to walk in. Plus they kind of make my ankles look fat.


A DSW find that I wore for New Years 2005. Two Army friends came to DC to party so we got all dolled up for a club. The big silly flowers attatched to the shoes can be blamed squarely on Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City. These were killing my feet before we even got to the Metro. Several drinks were spilled on them throughout the night, and I have never been successful at getting the stains out.

I had actually worn these sandals a few times before I incorporated them in to my Greek Goddess Halloween costume in Atlanta again in 2006. They are balanced weird. You always feel like you are tipping forwards while wearing them. Not a good combination when you have been drinking!

Next step in packing? My ridiculous purse collection.

Hoes Before Bros

How does one go about making new friends nowadays? After 5 years in Virginia, I am going to have to start from scratch and cultivate new friendships. When I was in college and the Army, making friends was so easy. You just moved in to your dorm/barracks room and walked down to the rec/day room. Everyone you worked with already had at least something in common with you so it was like an instant community.

The obvious answer would be to look for friends at my new job. I have worked with most of the people at our North Carolina office in the past. They are a nice and smart group of people but most of them are much older and married with children. Not exactly the type of people I can see myself going out to party with. Besides, most of them are men and I am looking for a new girl posse.

Conventional advice for making new friends is to join a church, volunteer or join other social groups. Since my religious beliefs put me firmly in the agnostic camp, I doubt I can find any religious groups that I would fit in to. The election this year does open up the opportunity to do some volunteer work that might be interesting so I won't count that out.

Somebody told me about Meetup.com which is like an online bulletin board for clubs in your area. At first, I was reluctant because it just sounded like online dating but for friends. I HATE online dating with a passion (all that "Describe yourself" nonsense) but I figured I would give this a try. I plugged in my future zip code and found 2 interesting prospects amongst all the bible study, scrapbooking and Ron Paul meetups. One was for a rowing club. My blog collaborator, Bad Wolf, was on the rowing team when she studied abroad in England, and she loved it. I'd like to give that a try. Added bonus: maybe I can avoid gym membership because rowing will keep you in shape!




The other group was a social club for single women with no kids:

"We are a social group for women aged 21-35 living in Jacksonville focused on building positive friendships.
Events are child-free and centered on adult interactions.
We are quite active and require members to attend meetups and contribute actively to the group.
Our members include single girls, career girls, very well educated girls, girls with partners, previous military, Jacksonville locals, military spouses, civilians, international girls and adventurous girls."

Sounds good to me so I made up a profile and requested membership. I was met with a survey chock full of job interview style questions. What would I contribute to the group? Tell us about yourself (but only in the 1,000 words that the text box will allow you.) What interested you in our group? Our events are child-free. Do you have children?

Aaaarrrggh! I guess making friends these days ain't what it used to be.

Nice Try, Old Man

But it is going to take more than another pair of ovaries to sway women who supported Clinton. This is the best you could come up with... REALLY?!?!? PUMAs (party unity my ass!) are bitter... not stupid!

Welcome To The Party, Bad Wolf!

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce my main partner in crime for the last 11 years and the baddest bitch I know. Rosie (aka Bad Wolf) is now contributing to the blog. If you think I am warped, just wait until she unleashes.

On an admin note, the blog might be undergoing some altercations... er, alterations in the next few days while the two of us figure out the best way to set this up. Have patience with us!