Like Vodka For The Bitter Divorcée's Soul

One thing I love about being single: having a group of witty, supportive friends who will hold back your hair when you are puking and will send hysterical emails to cheer you up when you are wallowing upon hearing your ex-husband remarried and spawned. Thanks, CKD!

I read your post about the ex. Ok, here are some reasons why you should not feel like a withered old maid.

1.) You are only 30. So young, so much to look forward to.

2.) Jayla Rae is the most fucking retarded name EVER. It sounds like something Britney Spears or an unwed teen mother would name her kid. They probably got it from a soap opera.

3.) You were not ripped a new vag by a human shooting out of it. This is not something to be taken lightly.

4.) You are embarking on so many fabulous adventures and have already made a ton of great new friends since moving to NC.

You are doing great and are fantastic. Seriously. Now enjoy your drink!

Blogging Fun Bad Wolf Style

As Roadtripper mentioned, lists appeal to my OCD personality so here goes. This is a shout out to CKD and Roadtripper, hope you are having a drink and some fun tonight! Oh, and I added one category of my own, the first one:

*. Songs that I could listen to one hundred times a day:
1. I Still Haven't Found What I Am Looking For by U2 with the New Freedom Choir (Seriously, if you have not heard this version it is a spiritual experience. Or at least it is with me, every time).
2. And Your Bird Can Sing by the Beatles (the Anthology Cut, John is high and laughing through the entire thing and it never fails to make me laugh either).
3. Long Road to Ruin by the Foo Fighters (I long to belt this out during a drunken karaoke night, it makes me feel unstoppable).
4. I Don't Want To Waste Your Time by Over the Rhine (simply a great song, the band was introduced to me by she who won't be named and I thank her for that).

A. Jobs I have had:
1. Hostess at Italian Oven
2. Office drone at Deam Lake State Recreation Area
3. Office drone at Roche Diagnostics
4. Office drone in the Navy, currently Navy Manpower Analysis Center, Memphis TN

B. Movies I love and can watch over and over and over:
1. Shawshank Redemption (will watch it every time i see it on TV, every time)
2. Tombstone (part of my love affair with Val Kilmer)
3. Little Women (even though I cry every time)
4. Usual Suspects (what can I say, Roadtripper and I share great taste)

C. Places I have lived:
1. West Lafayette, IN
2. Bath, England, UK
3. Norfolk, VA
4. Memphis, TN

D. TV Shows I love:
1. LOST
2. Doctor Who
3. Bones (can be extremely gory but is funnier than most comedies and has the hottest chemistry on TV)
4. Supernatural

E. Places I have vacationed: (will exclude places I vacationed to while in the Navy, it would make it much harder to choose from)
1. Barcelona, Spain (and earned a broken wrist!)
2. Charleston, South Carolina
3. Bend, Oregon
4. Anyplace Roadtripper has lived

F. Favorite Foods/Dishes:
1. Mac and Cheese (but only if cooked by my dad, I swear it is so much better than any other mac and cheese I have ever eaten)
2. Tarte Tatin
3. Anything with potatoes
4. Brownies

G. Sites I Visit Everyday, or Almost:
1. CNN
2. TWOP
3. Entertainment Weekly
4. Blogger (just to see what crazy shit my friends CKD and Roadtripper have going on today!)

H. Places I'd Rather Be:
1. Back in the UK doesn't matter where
2. BFE North Carolina getting Roadtripper drunk
3. The Island
4. The Caribbean dancing on the deck of a catamaran

I. People I am Tagging:
1. Candace
2. Aw hell, everyone else I know who reads this is already tagged. Screw it!

Blogging Fun

Hey Bad Wolf! Looks like we have been tagged by our fave fellow blogger, CKD. Since lists appeal to Bad Wolf's OCD... and I will do anything right now to distract myself from the urge to punch a hole through a wall, here goes...

Four jobs I've had:

1. Summer job at a craft consignment store called "Friendly Crafts" (Yeah... you read that one correctly!)
2. Sandwich bitch at Wendy's
3. Soldier (like the commercials said "I am an Army of One.")
4. current job where I make video games for a living yet spend 90 % of my time convincing folks that they are "training aids, dammit!"

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Steel Magnolias
2. Dogma
3. North & South (technically, a mini-series but who cares?)
4. The Usual Suspects

Four places I have lived:

1. Barstow, CA (yes... that little desert rathole you passed on your way from SoCal to Vegas)
2. West Lafayette, IN
3. Kiev, Ukraine
4. Stafford, VA

Four TV shows I love:

1. LOST
2. Top Chef (Even though I am not one for cooking. Eating... yes!)
3. Mad Men
4. Any of The Real Housewives shows... Orange County, New York, Atlanta... cattiness abounds on all of them!

Four places I've vacationed:

1. Key West, FL
2. Memphis, TN (Elvis and Bad Wolf! Killer combo)
3. Nassau, Bahamas
4. Okinawa, Japan (technically a work trip but I tacked on a few extra days for leisure)

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Sushi ("Hello, I am Roadtripper and I am a sushi addict")
2. Momma's gumbo
3. English sticky toffee pudding
4. Crawfish boil

Four sites I visit daily:

1. Jezebel
2. Facebook
3. Slate
4. Television Without Pity

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. eating sushi in Japan
2. at a spa retreat (Mmmmmm... massage... facial... pedicure)
3. at a sample sale where they only stocked my size (hey, a girl can dream, can't she?)
4. The Island!

Four People I am tagging:

1. Bad Wolf (can I even tag my own blog-mate?)
2. Draugr94
3. Supermadchen
4. Renae

When Reality Attacks

Sorry, dear readers. Reality sometimes even seeps in to fantasy lands like our beloved island. Due to a high level of douchebaggery (™ Roadtripper) seen displayed by members of Team Testosterone (once again, ™ Roadtripper), I can't even bring myself to enjoy the rippling muscles and dimpled smiles of island inductees. Maybe next week... I am too busy licking my wounds right now.

And, like a true friend, Bad Wolf is standing strong against Team Testosterone with me. Too bad she doesn't live closer. We would have a hell of a time getting drunk off cheap wine and fashioning voodoo dolls in the douchebag's likeness.

Who's Going To Pick Me For Their Kickball Team?

I got a response from that Meetup.com group that I requested membership to:

"Hello and thank you for your application to join Jacksonville women's
social group.
Please see our rules:
Upload a profile image of yourself, fill in your profile information and be
contactable by email.
Maintain membership by signing in bi-weekly.
No login after 1month = removal.
Members must attend 1 meetup within 2 months to maintain membership.
Turn 'maybes' into yes or no by the RSVP deadline.If not certain you can
attend, RSVP 'maybe'.
Check if the meetup invites guests & RSVP them.
If unable to attend after an RSVP of 'yes' email attending members &
call/text organizer ASAP. Unexplained no shows will have their membership
canceled.
The age bracket is 21 to 35. No exceptions.
You must presently reside in the Jacksonville area.
Refrain from pushing or discussing your religion & politics at our meetup's or through this website.
Your membership implies acceptance of the group rules and maybe canceled if
rules are broken.These rules can be updated as needed.
Your application is being decided upon by the group and we will let you know when we have finalized the decision."

Wow... seriously?!? I had a flashback to gym class where they line everyone up against the wall to pick teams. Or freshman year sorority rush. These women don't play around. Maybe I should have taken their membership form a little more seriously. When asked what I could contribute to the group, my response was that I make a mean Bloody Mary hangover cure that everyone would appreciate after a hard night of drinking. Oops!

Is it really this difficult to make friends these days? I think joining a cult would be easier!

Hoes Before Bros

How does one go about making new friends nowadays? After 5 years in Virginia, I am going to have to start from scratch and cultivate new friendships. When I was in college and the Army, making friends was so easy. You just moved in to your dorm/barracks room and walked down to the rec/day room. Everyone you worked with already had at least something in common with you so it was like an instant community.

The obvious answer would be to look for friends at my new job. I have worked with most of the people at our North Carolina office in the past. They are a nice and smart group of people but most of them are much older and married with children. Not exactly the type of people I can see myself going out to party with. Besides, most of them are men and I am looking for a new girl posse.

Conventional advice for making new friends is to join a church, volunteer or join other social groups. Since my religious beliefs put me firmly in the agnostic camp, I doubt I can find any religious groups that I would fit in to. The election this year does open up the opportunity to do some volunteer work that might be interesting so I won't count that out.

Somebody told me about Meetup.com which is like an online bulletin board for clubs in your area. At first, I was reluctant because it just sounded like online dating but for friends. I HATE online dating with a passion (all that "Describe yourself" nonsense) but I figured I would give this a try. I plugged in my future zip code and found 2 interesting prospects amongst all the bible study, scrapbooking and Ron Paul meetups. One was for a rowing club. My blog collaborator, Bad Wolf, was on the rowing team when she studied abroad in England, and she loved it. I'd like to give that a try. Added bonus: maybe I can avoid gym membership because rowing will keep you in shape!




The other group was a social club for single women with no kids:

"We are a social group for women aged 21-35 living in Jacksonville focused on building positive friendships.
Events are child-free and centered on adult interactions.
We are quite active and require members to attend meetups and contribute actively to the group.
Our members include single girls, career girls, very well educated girls, girls with partners, previous military, Jacksonville locals, military spouses, civilians, international girls and adventurous girls."

Sounds good to me so I made up a profile and requested membership. I was met with a survey chock full of job interview style questions. What would I contribute to the group? Tell us about yourself (but only in the 1,000 words that the text box will allow you.) What interested you in our group? Our events are child-free. Do you have children?

Aaaarrrggh! I guess making friends these days ain't what it used to be.

Welcome To The Party, Bad Wolf!

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce my main partner in crime for the last 11 years and the baddest bitch I know. Rosie (aka Bad Wolf) is now contributing to the blog. If you think I am warped, just wait until she unleashes.

On an admin note, the blog might be undergoing some altercations... er, alterations in the next few days while the two of us figure out the best way to set this up. Have patience with us!

A Little Salt For Your Fresh Wound, Mam?

My friend Rosie rocks. We met 11 years ago when we lived in the same dorm (yay Virgin Vault!) at Purdue. She was a super shy chick who used to let her hair hang in her face and spoke in monosyllables. All I saw when I looked at her was raw potential: I just knew there was a wild bitch within waiting to break loose. She just needed someone to corrupt her a little.

Rosie didn't disappoint. We have jumped out of an airplane, hosted a radio show, danced on bars and drank our way across most of the South (New Orleans, Memphis, Pensacola, Norfolk, Richmond, Louisville and Myrtle Beach). Her sense of adventure and dry, biting humor carries us through any mayhem we get involved in.

But this...

Not funny, Rosie!!!!

Just wait... her 30th is less than a year away!