My karma ran over your dogma

Welcome to the Island: Chris Isaak

2009-04-01T23:14:00.005-04:00

Many of you all may have been wondering where Roadtripper and I have been. Reality went and swallowed us whole for a while. But we are back, I even have the nagging cough to prove it. And to thank you for nagging us to continue with the island, I bring you Chris Isaak!

How can you not be turned on by this man? That Elvis, Rockabilly style, Billy Idol sneer, voice even Roy Orbison would be jealous of. Yowza! And as Roadtripper and I went to a concert of his, got his autograph, and saw him up close and personal we can tell you, he is even better looking in person. That arm and little bit of face on the left hand side of the pic? Totally Chris Isaak!

I think I am off to take a cold shower. Damn!

Welcome To The Island: Father Gabriel Byrne

2009-03-13T17:23:00.006-04:00

Too bad I am not Catholic or else I could have given up posting late blog entries for Lent.

But being the heathen that I am, not only can I miss my blog deadline due to two consecutive nights of excess and lust, but I also get to think impure thoughts about actors who have played religious figures. My island inductee this week is Gabriel Byrne. Quite the paradox with this man, who traded in his starched white collar for his role as a priest in Stigmata and immediately took a role as the Prince of Darkness in End of Days. No matter if he fights on the side of good or evil, he is seriously sexy doing either. Rugged jawline, sharp blue eyes and the sexiest accent complete with Irish lilt. I would fall to my knees for Gabriel Byrne... but I probably wouldn't be doing much praying.

Say a little prayer for Roadtripper, Father Gabriel, because that last statement may have seriously paved my way to Hell! Until then, we always have the island...

Welcome to the Island: Actors as Religious Figures

2009-03-11T19:19:00.005-04:00

As Roadtripper and I pretty much have a reserved seat on the roller coaster to Hell, we have no problem using Lent as an opportunity to add actors who have played religious figures as our next island additions. And I look no further than James Caviezel. Who you may ask? You may know him from Angel Eyes but he played none other than Jesus in Passion Of The Christ. You probably most remember him for his incredible, burn right into your soul eyes.

Just looking into those eyes and that face makes me imagine plenty of confession worthy thoughts. Welcome to the island James, Mary Magdalene has nothing on me.

Welcome To The Island: Uhh... What's His Name Again?

2009-03-04T22:25:00.003-05:00

I watched a movie last night with the hottest guy in it.

What's his name?

Hmmm... I dunno. He has a great smile and cute dimples. Pretty blue eyes. Curly sun-streaked hair. But what is his name?

He kind of reminds me of Matthew McConaughey, only with better grooming habits. Or a sunnier Brad Pitt.

Ooooohhhh... it's Bradley Cooper. You know... that guy!

Welcome to the Island: You Know, That Guy

2009-03-04T19:51:00.008-05:00

Everyone knows the marquee name movie stars: Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, etc. But you also have "that guy." He seems to be in every third movie made but you never know the guy's name. And generally, that guy, is a better actor than the top billed star, stealing most scenes. So as Roadtripper and I salute "that guy", I present you with:

His name, I honestly don't remember right now, and besides Lost is on. But you probably remember him from Prison Break, The Longest Yard, Armageddon, and many other movies. Usually playing a dickhead. So why do I want him on the island? There is just something about "that guy." Welcome to the island, maybe with enough practice, you will become something more than that guy.

Welcome To The Island: All Hail James Purefoy

2009-02-25T23:17:00.004-05:00

I never understood why HBO pulled the series Rome after only two seasons. It was prime girl porn. Tons of hot guys running around in togas and some very raunchy sex scenes. I own both seasons on DVD and was thrilled when I converted Bad Wolf in to a Rome-luva!

With all the prime men running around (shirtless) in the series, it is kind of tough to pick just one but I will pledge my allegiance to James Purefoy's Marc Anthony any day. Yowza!

I will fully own up to the fact that Rome's love of male full frontal nudity didn't hurt. And James Purefoy... yeah... he was one of the ones who willingly dropped his toga. Just type his name in to YouTube to see what all the fuss was about over him. Until then, enjoy this little moment of (near naked) bliss....

Your Keyser Soze Moment of Zen

2009-02-25T20:29:00.003-05:00

For anyone who loves The Daily Show and the Unusual Suspects is an awesome video from last night's episode. Evidently, some people think that President Obama is the anti-christ. The Daily Show mocks its obvious ridiculousness with a twist of Usual Suspects. It's definitely worth a few chuckles. Especially after my semi-poopy day.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Unusual Suspect

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Funny Political News
Joke of the Day

Welcome to the Island: When in Rome Edition

2009-02-25T20:09:00.004-05:00

I had often heard Roadtripper expound on the wonders of HBO's Rome. I never really got it. Until last summer when I had the joy of finally catching it while visiting her and Candace. And Yowza, did I get it!

Those eyes! That integrity combined with a look that says I will fuck your shit up if you piss me off. Once seeing his portrayal of Lucius Vorenus on Rome, i quickly netflixed the rest of the series and also watched Made of Honor. Made of Honor, and I am not a Patrick Dempsey fan! Then I look into those eyes again and forget Dempsey entirely.

Welcome to the Island Kevin. Don't worry, I've been to Pompeii and have seen their brothels, I know a few positions I can point out for us.

Why Is There An Orgy On The Dance Floor?

2009-02-23T19:33:00.010-05:00

I arrived back home from my Virginia business trip late Friday afternoon. Some friends of mine had plans to go to Jacksonville's finest country and western establishment, The Tarheel. My original idea was that I would be too tired and irritated after working all morning and a five hour drive home (especially after that nice chat with Martin County's sheriff about my lead foot when he pulled me over for going 70mph in a 55mph zone). Not to mention that I think line dancing is fairly ridiculous unless you are completely inebriated (even then, it is still a tad ridiculous). And yet, despite being road weary and worn out, I couldn't resist the siren's call of The Tarheel. I'd heard too much about this place.

And I wasn't disappointed.

Are any of my readers familiar with Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's song "Fishin' In The Dark"? It is a little ditty chock full of double entendres about a guy taking his girl out for some... well... ahem... fishin'. Not exactly subtle but kind of cute.

Cute is not what The Tarheel had in mind when they came up with their well known dance for this song:

Holy crap! There was some baby-making going on out there. No, seriously. Some of them are going to have a tangible reminder of Friday night's activities in about nine months.

A guy that I had been talking to noticed my mouth agape and asked if I wanted to be "fished". I usually don't let a guy gyrate on top of me until I at least know his last name. He assured me that he would be (and, yes, I quote) "a gentleman". Since I have never been dry-humped in a gentlemanly manner, I laid down on a filthy dance floor and allowed 6 foot 3 giant to dance over me. Go ahead and judge me. It. Was. Awesome!

Don't be surprised if you are dancing at my wedding to "Fishin' In The Dark". I am obsessed with this song now! Oh yeah... and that guy cooked me dinner last night. Because who can resist a dry-humping gentleman?

Welcome to the Island: Completely Random Edition

2009-02-18T19:29:00.004-05:00

As Roadtripper is away with limited time and access, she will be unable to provide another inductee onto the island this week. Thusly, it is my completely random edition. So I thought, and thought, and thought and had that light bulb moment. Why not do the original bad boy. We all know the one. The one with the leather jacket, bad attitude, fast car, kissable, delicious lips that so easily formed into a snarl. But behind it all eyes that spoke of inner turmoil that the scarred emotional boy that you knew was in there and could save.

So of course my choice is James Dean. With those eyes, lips, great hair, aforementioned bad boy image, and oh, did I mention that he's also from the great state of Indiana?

Welcome to the Island, James. You were taken from us way too soon but here you will live forever.

Welcome to the Island: Lost Redux Edition

2009-02-11T22:59:00.005-05:00

As Roadtripper previously mentioned, we are both thoroughly obsessed with Lost and as with as many hot men as there are on that island it most definitely deserves a second week. If I could find my way to that island I most definitely would. My first stop? To see Desmond (Henry Ian Cusick):

His heartbreaking reunion with his constant, Penny, last season fortunately did not mean that we would be seeing less of him now. I need me as much of that accent, face, and body as I can get. Now come here, you're used to pushing buttons every 108 minutes and I know just the button you can press.

Welcome To The Island: I'm Lost Again!

2009-02-11T17:42:00.009-05:00

But wait... didn't we already dedicate a week of our Island picks to LOST? The answer is yes and yes but Bad Wolf and I are slaves to the genius show put out by Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. And LOST is firing on all cylinders this season so it deserves mega praise. And LOST in all about things coming back around full circle. And...

******Spoiler alert******

*****Don't scroll down if you are a lame ass who hasn't watched last week's LOST*******

*****I mean it, dammit!********

they brought back Jin!!!!!!!!

Lindelof and Cuse have a history of writing off their wayward, booze hound cast after brushes with Hawaii's finest (Question to cast of LOST: what is it about living in paradise that makes you hit the bottle so hard?)

I thought that Daniel Dae Kim was the latest causality after his DUI caused those evil powers that be to place him on the freighter that blew up last season... which sucked because I so heart his character Jin. Not to mention, I was really starting to miss the eye candy that Daniel Dae Kim brought to the show. Imagine my school girl squeal of glee when they rolled over a washed up man last week to reveal that even a DUI can't keep this hotness down!

My only complaint: he washed up ashore with his shirt intact. I mean... really?!?! C'mon, Lindelof and Cuse... how can you let the opportunity for showing off this perfection pass by?

Interesting factoid I discovered while IMBDing Daniel Dae Kim: he went to the same high school as fellow Island inductee and mega-hottie Dwayne Johnson. What do they put in the water there?

I Need An Excuse To Throw Back Some Martinis Tonight

2009-02-07T14:21:00.007-05:00

Bad Wolf has pointed out that I've been having a bad week. Both of my home computers were out of commission (one due to a virus, the other experienced a fan meltdown that almost set my home office on fire). Work has been really shitty lately too. I am in an office of workaholics who think that it is truly okay to work ten days straight, with a day constituting at least ten hours. And don't you dare think that you can take five minutes for a "lunch break" that involves shoving a scalding hot Lean Cuisine down your gullet. Lunch breaks are for slackers.

This girl needs a drink!

Luckily, I discovered that today, February 7th is:

Dump Your Significant Jerk Day

Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day

not to mention...

National Fettuccine Alfredo Day

Too bad it isn't Lock Your Workaholic Colleagues in a Basement Day!

Obama Is The New Waldo

2009-02-05T15:54:00.003-05:00

As in... where the hell is he?!?!?

This is the wall in my office's entry way where the chain of command is supposed to be displayed. See that vacant spot on the top left? That's where the Commander in Chief should be.

Bush's face still graced this spot until Monday. I "gently" reminded our Staff Sergeant that there was a new sheriff in town and that the wall needed to be updated. He took down Bush but, four days later, I am still waiting for the new picture.

Welcome to the Island: Footballer Edition

2009-02-04T18:44:00.006-05:00

And what better footballer to have on this week after the Super Bowl than Peyton Manning. Yeah, I know the Indianapolis Colts weren't in the Super Bowl but they are my favorite team and Peyton Manning has a lot to do with it.

His nose looks like it has taken a few hits but I do dig those blonds. I think it is the combination of the blond, incredible work ethic and leadership, the fact that he led my team to its first super bowl a few years ago, and the fact that he could use that incredible footballer's body to toss me around like he does the pigskin. And all that stretching, I can pretend it's really just preparing for his performance with me after the game:

Welcome to the Island Peyton, don't worry I will definitely keep you in shape and increase your stamina.

Addendum to Post: Roadtripper is currently overworked and computer-less. And since she doesn't care about football she has picked David Beckham as her footballer. I guess I wasn't specific about the type of football, huh? Still, I think she would approve of the pic:

Stephen King, One More Reason I Love Him

2009-02-03T19:56:00.002-05:00

"Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people... The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."

So says Stephen King, the master of the truly terrifying during an interview with USA Weekend.

Finally! Someone with some sense, says what many of us have been thinking since we read that trashtastic (and not in the awesome V. C. Andrews way) book. He goes on to say that:

"A lot of the physical side of it is conveyed in things like the vampire will touch her forearm or run a hand over skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that's a shorthand for all the feelings that they're not ready to deal with yet."

Yes! Hello, all of you tweens and middle age housewives out there! Vampires=sex and um vampires... they shouldn't sparkle. And watching you all night without your knowledge? That's not flattering, it's stalking.

Thank you Mr. King. Now get out there and write another book and show her how it is really done.

Tough Times Are No Excuse For Bad Fashion

2009-01-28T22:02:00.010-05:00

I have a dirty little secret: I am a Forever 21 shopper. That's right. A 30 year old woman who buys cheap trendy knock-offs. I even have their website bookmarked and check out the new arrivals at least twice a day because all the cool stuff has a tendency to disappear in the blink of an eye. At least 50 percent of my jewelry comes from there. That cute shirt I wore at New Years? Straight off their website. I love being able to buy frivolous, irreverent trends and not break the bank. When an item goes out of style in a few months, I won't be out more than $30.

Being several years over their intended demographic, I have to use a little restraint. Sure... those shiny faux-leather leggings are kind of hot in Pat Benetar way and are quite the steal at only $22 but probably should never grace an ass over the age of 21. The glen plaid tube dress is really adorable and is a great knock-off of something I have seen Victoria Beckham wear but my tube dress days have passed.

Then there is the fashion that I just don't get:

Those weird hoodies covered with crappy 80s graphics are fugly beyond belief.

I think my grandma has a top like this one.

Then... today... I saw something that truly made my heart hurt.

The return of Hammer pants. Although they are now described as "harem" or "paper bag" pants. What a horribly unwelcome re-trend. Who wants to look like they took a dump in their pants? Fucking Hammer pants! MC Hammer went broke and can now be seen praying all over the Jeebus channel. Is this really who we want as a fashion icon during these troubled times?

Welcome To The Island: "Prime Minister" Hugh Grant

2009-01-28T20:33:00.006-05:00

All the things that I love about British guys exist in the lusciousness that is Hugh Grant. He has perfected that style of bed head that American chaps can never seem to pull off. He stutters and stampers in the most adorable way. He possesses a dry, witty sense of humor. He is a closet freak (Divine Brown, anyone?)

In fact, he was the perfect person to represent jolly old England and play the Prime Minister in Love Actually. Last week, the Island was all about hot actors who had played American presidents. This week, we extend of love to our sexy cousins across the pond.

As an added bonus, check out Hugh in his turn as Prime Minister in my fave scene from the movie. How the man can juggle being a complete dork yet totally lickable at the same time is beyond me... but I love every minute of it! Yup... he puts the prime in prime minister.

Welcome to the Island: Actors Who Play Prime Ministers Edition

2009-01-28T19:42:00.009-05:00

Hot on the heels of actors who have played the President, is our actors who have played the Prime Minister Edition of the Island. (Who better of an ally to the president than the Prime Minister? I won't even mention Israel with the latest mess going on) Who better to usher it in than Anthony Stewart Head:

I don't even remember on what movie/miniseries he played the PM in, I trust Roadtripper's imdb knowledge in that. All I needed to know was Anthony Stewart Head. Now many of you may remember him from Buffy, or as I do from an episode of the greatest Sci-Fi show ever, Doctor Who, or maybe from the old Taster's Choice/Nescafe commercials. Whatever from, I am sure you do remember him. He combines the velvetiest of accents (if you have never heard Once More With Feeling, you are missing out on a lovely singing voice as well) with that undeniable attraction of a fine older man with a hint of danger.

I posted this pic because it makes me want to lick and nibble his neck

And hell, do I even need a sign off sentence with the last name Head? Welcome to the island Anthony, you'll find your name in use quite often here.

How I Spent My Snow Day Part II or Come Get Lost With Me

2009-01-28T19:04:00.009-05:00

So after driving two thirds of the way to work because it was 0730 and work starts at 0730 and none of the local tv stations said the base was closed and I hate to be late, I finally got the call from my Chief: Base is closed, turn around and go home. Woo-hoo! But what to do? I am unfortunately, already wide awake so I can't go back to sleep. Then I saw a commercial for Lost tonight. And then the light bulb hit: I'll catch up on Lost! So in between my daily 100 crunches and reading the latest Ian Rankin and more on my WW II obsession, I started re-watching Lost from the beginning:

And I remembered why this show is so damn awesome and the reason Roadtripper and I are not to be disturbed on Wednesday evenings. If you don't watch it, it is not too late. They just started the second to last season. Netflix it, beg or borrow it from friends but do not miss it. It is a show for those who love a show that will take them for a ride and have them searching their library and the internet afterwards for what each name and remote clue means. Rewatching the first season I remembered how much I love Sayid and Hurley (I would love to see them in a buddy comedy movie together!). How much I do not miss Boone or Shannon. How much I miss Walt and how much I want to find out what the Hell is up with Claire. Besides giving your brain a tripped out ride that the X-Files never quite accomplished, it is an adventure show and thoroughly delves into each character. It is easily the best show on TV period. Sorry, 30 Rock, Mad Men, House or whatever banal shit you pollute your mind with. If you only watch two shows one of them should be Lost. Your brain will be better for it, your cocktail party dinner conversation too.

Random Rambllings or How I Spent My Snow Day Part I

2009-01-28T18:34:00.006-05:00

I was lucky enough today to be granted a snow day. And for Memphis, TN that only required about an inch of ice below an inch of snow. Still it was beautiful and inspired my haphazard love of photography. So through my handy dandy camera and some playing with the color on my computer I present Snowbound in Tennessee. Should I continue on with my intermittent love of photography or keep it to drunken pictures or roadtripper and I?

You Go, Girl... And Take That Fab Hat With You!

2009-01-26T23:15:00.005-05:00

I recently donned a ridiculously large hat for my club's outing to an English tea house. It. Was. Awesome. We have another tea party coming up in March. I am planning the entire outfit around the hat. Hats are awesome... but ridiculously large church hats with bows, feathers and nets are even better!

So everyone hating on Aretha Franklin's bomb ass hat worn at the inauguration... get over it! She is the queen of soul and can out sing anyone, thus earning her the right to do whatever she pleases when she performs. And I thought the hat kicked ass! Maybe I can find one like it for my next tea party...

A Glimpse In To My Cubicle

2009-01-26T22:07:00.006-05:00

The average American spends at least 40 hours a week at work. Since I average quite a bit more than that, I spend more time with my co-workers than with my family or even my closest friends. They are quite a motley crew: all men, all former military (and Marines at that. I am the only former Army... something they remind me of at least once a day) and all (at one point in time) prone to me having vivid daydreams of stapling their mouths shut.

A thumbnail sketch of each of my co-workers:

The Socially Retarded Techie- He is that guy in the SNL skit that rolls his eyes at you while you try to explain what is wrong with a computer then shoves you out of the way with a "Moooooove!" He has a bad comb-over and his hands shake constantly. I almost clocked him once when he snuck up behind me and blew in my ear. He likes to look down my shirt.

The Post Traumatic Stress Guy- Drinks like a fish and tells war stories all day long. Really graphic ones. I once saw him lay his fork and knife over a plate in the sign of a cross and say "For my fallen brothers." He refused to eat another bite but didn't slow down ordering more tequila shots. Guess his fallen comrades weren't thirsty. He is prone to busting out his tai chi moves in the middle of the hallway. I am actually a little scared of this one.

Rainman- Sits right across the cubicle with me. Mutters under his breath about every action. "Must fill out time sheet" "How do I get Column A to equal Column B?" "Don't forget to call Sgt. Smith". I am waiting for him to start blathering on about Judge Wapner being on at 3 o'clock and reminding himself that he has to buy his underwear from K-mart. I once asked him if he was one of those people who likes to think out loud or if he was looking for feedback. He got pissed and started muttering about how nobody listens to him. He was once told that he was second in command of the office but gets mad when we call him Number Two.

The Femi-Nazi Hunter- Usually a pretty cool guy... except when he has listened to too much Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh or some other right wing radio. Or maybe when his wife pisses him off. Then watch out! I can't say anything without being told that I am a man-hater. He also has an annoying habit of telling me that I am a few years away from becoming the cat lady.

The Pretty Boy- Another example of a guy that I like 99% of the time even though he uses more hair gel in a day than I do in an entire month. I enjoy hearing his love life exploits on smoke breaks. Except for the time that he told me "I actually like girls who are a little anorexic... at least I know they are going to stay skinny." That made me want to put him in a head lock and mess up that perfectly gelled hair.

The One Who Looks Down His Nose At Me- Literally. He loves to tell long, condescending stories. Whenever I try to counter, he holds up his hand and asks "May I finish please?" then continues to lecture for another ten minutes. He also loves to mimic me (poorly, might I add). Seeing him do his impersonation of me, you would think I was a Flava of Love girl complete with neck rolls and smacking lips. His most common phrases are "Don't look at me like that" or "Don't raise your eyebrows at me like that". I guess he feels the need to fill the void now that my father is six hours away.

Fingers crossed that none of them ever stumble across this post. But if they do... have a sense of humor, guys! If I can't laugh at you, who can?

Welcome To The Island: Josh Brolin

2009-01-22T17:36:00.006-05:00

A changing of the guard has taken place and the reign of Dubya has finally ended... except on our island!! Don't fret, dear readers, I have not gone mad and chosen George to be on our island, but rather an actor who played the former president in Oliver Stone's 2008 satire W. (and rather well, might I add). Welcome to the Hot Guys Who Played a President Edition.

Enter Josh Brolin. Oh, how I love his brooding dark looks. And his sexy gravely voice. And his mad talent. And that smirk.

Plus he was a Goonie... and we all know "Goonies never say die!" (Not sure what I meant there but I couldn't possibly top Bad Wolf's "in my Oval Office" sign-off... that was the best I could come up with!)

Welcome to the Island: Luke Wilson Edition

2009-01-21T19:44:00.004-05:00

In honor of President Obama's inauguration (I still get a little giddy typing and saying that), this week's island theme is actors who have played the Prez. My choice: Luke Wilson.

He starred in a not very well known movie called Idiocracy (which I haven't seen but will be nexflixing shortly) wherein he was frozen/hibernated in a government experiment gone awry. He wakes up 500 years later in a de-evolved society where he is easily the smartest person and thusly elected president. Any why not? He can be my president any day. Take a look at that jaw line, I just want to lick it. He is also pretty damn funny, he guest starred on one of the funniest episodes of the X-Files ever! In fact, if I ever met him I would probably become the flustered giddy school girl that Dana Scully did in Bad Blood.

Welcome to the island Luke, let me show you into my oval office.

My Newest Obsession

2009-01-14T21:40:00.003-05:00

My family has a tendency to fixate on things. When we discover a new interest we must learn everything about it (hence my encyclopedic knowledge of the Beatles and my dad's 13 year ongoing Civil War book project). Since catching part of Band of Brothers on TV over the holidays I have, well fixated. In between trying to stomach the absolute absurdity of Twilight and finish it, I have read "Brothers in Battle: Best of Friends" and am making my way through the Band of Brothers DVD set and also reading "Band of Brothers" by Stephen Ambrose and "Easy Company Soldier."

So when I disappear for a while, come back speaking WW II slang, and nominate Damian Lewis as my favorite man in uniform you will understand why.

Normal is so overrated.

Welcome to the Island: Nathan Fillion Edition

2009-01-14T21:10:00.005-05:00

What's that you're thinking? "A new island post? It's been ages!" Yes it has, and what can I say? Real life gets in the way sometimes. But I'm baaaacckkkkk. And for my pick: Nathan Fillion:

Some of you may remember him from his short lived stint on Desperate Housewives or when he was One Life to Live (and yes I sadly admit to having watched that soap). His best role (at least until he becomes my personal slave)? Captain Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly/Serenity. It was a short lived TV show that was a space western written by TV God Joss Whedon. Not everyone's cup of tea (I am looking at you Roadtripper!) it certainly was mine, not least of which for him.

He combines an honest moral front with a dark center of don't fuck with me. And he has a great smile and a killer body. Captain Tightpants indeed. Yum.

Like Vodka For The Bitter Divorcée's Soul

2009-01-13T11:32:00.003-05:00

One thing I love about being single: having a group of witty, supportive friends who will hold back your hair when you are puking and will send hysterical emails to cheer you up when you are wallowing upon hearing your ex-husband remarried and spawned. Thanks, CKD!

I read your post about the ex. Ok, here are some reasons why you should not feel like a withered old maid.

1.) You are only 30. So young, so much to look forward to.

2.) Jayla Rae is the most fucking retarded name EVER. It sounds like something Britney Spears or an unwed teen mother would name her kid. They probably got it from a soap opera.

3.) You were not ripped a new vag by a human shooting out of it. This is not something to be taken lightly.

4.) You are embarking on so many fabulous adventures and have already made a ton of great new friends since moving to NC.

You are doing great and are fantastic. Seriously. Now enjoy your drink!

Ouch!

2009-01-12T22:25:00.004-05:00

Nothing prepares a girl to see this news item while screwing around and haphazardly googling her ex-husband:

New Wife [sic] and Psycho Ex-Husband [sic] of Shit Hole Town in
Washington State [sic], a girl, Jayla Rae , Oct. 30, 2008. Jayla is the granddaughter
of New Wife's [sic] parents Blah Blah and Blah [sic], and Ex-Father-In-Law who
used to drink himself in to a stupor in his workshop [sic] and Ex-Mother-In-Law
who was always hopped up on Prozac [sic] of Nearby Crappy Town [sic].

Crap! I feel like I am going to puke. Knowing Psycho Ex like I do, I guessed he would be so unoriginal as to register at the same story as we did for our wedding. Bingo! The baby registry is still up.

Dammit!

I feel like a withered old maid for sure now.

Do yourself a favor and don't google your ex.

I am off to pour myself a stiff drink.

More Emphasis On The Bitch Part

2008-12-22T23:11:00.003-05:00

Wikipedia's definition of Stitch 'n Bitch: Stitch 'n Bitch is a name used by knitting groups that meet on a weekly or monthly basis at locations throughout the world. This use of the term originates as early as the Second World War. Stitch 'n Bitch clubs are generally casual groups of knitters who meet in bars or cafes for socializing and sharing knitting advice.

Roadtripper's definition of Stitch 'n Bitch: a meetup event that sounded like a great idea at the time. Roadtripper accepted with visions of all the trendy scarves she would be knitting in no time. An hour's work resulted in a 3-inch fuzzy pencil warmer. When trying to create a second row, Roadtripper managed to successfully unravel half of her first row (the aforementioned pencil warmer) without realizing it. The second hour was spent untangling the mess that she had made and teasing host's cat with yarn. Roadtripper walked out of the Stitch 'n Bitch vowing to just buy herself a trendy scarf instead.

Christmas Cheer... By Jove, It Finally Hit Me!

2008-12-22T22:39:00.003-05:00

I am a slow burn for the holiday season. I despise nothing more than seeing Santas being displayed in stores just past the Halloween costumes. The season hits entirely too soon for me. I like breaking rules on a lot of things but I turn in to a die-hard traditionalist when it comes to Yuletide. No decorations until the day after Thanksgiving. No shopping until Black Friday. No Christmas songs until the Advent calender gets broken out. It is simple math to me. There is no way to sustain enthusiasm for the holidays when you start months prior.

The weeks following Thanksgiving turn me in to a big ball of stress as I make lists and try to bargain shop. Bah Humbug! It is hard to feel the spirit of the season when battling long lines and crowded parking lots. But, as always, somewhere around the 22nd of the month, my spirits lift and I really start to dig Christmas.

Things that have put me in the Christmas spirit so far:

1. Over-done light displays on houses a la Clark Griswold

2. Any Christmas carol sung by Elvis

3. People out in public wearing Santa hats

4. The look on a friend's face when they aren't expecting a gift

5. The look on my face when new friends surprise me with a gift

6. The silly $5 or less gag gift I bought for my office Chinese auction.

7. That six hour drive to my parents' house tomorrow. Sure... traffic will probably suck and it is awfully cold and windy but I can't wait to see them again. Because, when it all comes down to it, they are what Christmas is all about!

Welcome to the Island: Val Kilmer Edition

2008-12-17T21:15:00.005-05:00

One of many, many wonderful things about Roadtripper, Andrea, and I's island theory is that the hot men on our island, are always hot. Even, if in reality, they no longer are. A main case point is Val Kilmer:

Needless to say, he does not look like this anymore. I will not assault your eyes with visual proof, just take my word for it. But I don't have to worry, in my mind and on the island he is always Jim Morrison:

Hell, I even got a kick out of him as a tweaked out meth head in The Salton Sea:

He could turn into a late life Marlon Brando for all I care, Val Kilmer will always be my king, and on the island he can always be Iceman.

Welcome To The Island: Russell Crowe (But Only 90s Russell Crowe)

2008-12-17T20:58:00.007-05:00

I used to drool over Russell Crowe. Seriously. I spent my multiple viewings of Gladiator making lewd comments.

Russell Crowe (as Maximus): Are you not entertained?

Me (on my couch): I would be more entertained if you took some clothes off.

Russell Crowe (as Maximus): My name is Gladiator.

Me: No... your name is Roadtripper's bitch. Take thee to my bedroom.

It is a sickness, I realize.

Being a Russell Crowe freak used to be easy. Most of his movies kicked ass, and even though his ego is about as large as the continent he hails from, the man actually does have serious acting chops.

Then he had to go get married. And got a little chubby. And started bitching about the pressures of Hollywood. And started hurling phones at people's heads.

And then Roadtripper kind of lost interest. Her sexy gladiator had become a bitchy middle-aged family man.

Yummy!

Not so yummy. Check please!

But I still love him (as long as him = the him from ten years ago). Welcome to the island, Russell Crowe. Just try to stay away from the phone.

"We're Supposed To Wear Silly Hats And Grow Tomatoes"

2008-12-15T19:14:00.005-05:00

At least that is what my movie hero, Ouiser Boudreaux, says about Southern women.

Too bad my gardening thumb is a lethal shade of black rather than the requisite green... but I've got the big silly hat down!

My meetup group recently held an old-fashioned English-style tea party at a swanky joint down in Wilmington. I was thrilled with the idea of donning a hat, pearls and dress, and was surprised that there were only three other takers. It was a blast though! We rolled out of the car and walked down the street looking like we were attending the Derby or a Junior League event. Sure, pedestrians stopped to stare and the staff at the tea house were a little rattled by young women dressed to the nines but the reaction was mostly positive. The most heard comment? "Why don't people dress up anymore nowadays?" Why not, indeed! Big hats, dainty teacups and finger sandwiches may seem a little dated but I guarantee it is an indulgence well worth it.

I can't wait to go again. Future visitors to NC: bring a big hat and be prepared to party like it is 1809!

Bettie Page RIP

2008-12-15T11:53:00.002-05:00

Blogging Fun Bad Wolf Style

2008-12-12T21:30:00.006-05:00

As Roadtripper mentioned, lists appeal to my OCD personality so here goes. This is a shout out to CKD and Roadtripper, hope you are having a drink and some fun tonight! Oh, and I added one category of my own, the first one:

*. Songs that I could listen to one hundred times a day:
1. I Still Haven't Found What I Am Looking For by U2 with the New Freedom Choir (Seriously, if you have not heard this version it is a spiritual experience. Or at least it is with me, every time).
2. And Your Bird Can Sing by the Beatles (the Anthology Cut, John is high and laughing through the entire thing and it never fails to make me laugh either).
3. Long Road to Ruin by the Foo Fighters (I long to belt this out during a drunken karaoke night, it makes me feel unstoppable).
4. I Don't Want To Waste Your Time by Over the Rhine (simply a great song, the band was introduced to me by she who won't be named and I thank her for that).

A. Jobs I have had:
1. Hostess at Italian Oven
2. Office drone at Deam Lake State Recreation Area
3. Office drone at Roche Diagnostics
4. Office drone in the Navy, currently Navy Manpower Analysis Center, Memphis TN

B. Movies I love and can watch over and over and over:
1. Shawshank Redemption (will watch it every time i see it on TV, every time)
2. Tombstone (part of my love affair with Val Kilmer)
3. Little Women (even though I cry every time)
4. Usual Suspects (what can I say, Roadtripper and I share great taste)

C. Places I have lived:
1. West Lafayette, IN
2. Bath, England, UK
3. Norfolk, VA
4. Memphis, TN

D. TV Shows I love:
1. LOST
2. Doctor Who
3. Bones (can be extremely gory but is funnier than most comedies and has the hottest chemistry on TV)
4. Supernatural

E. Places I have vacationed: (will exclude places I vacationed to while in the Navy, it would make it much harder to choose from)
1. Barcelona, Spain (and earned a broken wrist!)
2. Charleston, South Carolina
3. Bend, Oregon
4. Anyplace Roadtripper has lived

F. Favorite Foods/Dishes:
1. Mac and Cheese (but only if cooked by my dad, I swear it is so much better than any other mac and cheese I have ever eaten)
2. Tarte Tatin
3. Anything with potatoes
4. Brownies

G. Sites I Visit Everyday, or Almost:
1. CNN
2. TWOP
3. Entertainment Weekly
4. Blogger (just to see what crazy shit my friends CKD and Roadtripper have going on today!)

H. Places I'd Rather Be:
1. Back in the UK doesn't matter where
2. BFE North Carolina getting Roadtripper drunk
3. The Island
4. The Caribbean dancing on the deck of a catamaran

I. People I am Tagging:
1. Candace
2. Aw hell, everyone else I know who reads this is already tagged. Screw it!

Blogging Fun

2008-12-10T21:24:00.003-05:00

Hey Bad Wolf! Looks like we have been tagged by our fave fellow blogger, CKD. Since lists appeal to Bad Wolf's OCD... and I will do anything right now to distract myself from the urge to punch a hole through a wall, here goes...

Four jobs I've had:

1. Summer job at a craft consignment store called "Friendly Crafts" (Yeah... you read that one correctly!)
2. Sandwich bitch at Wendy's
3. Soldier (like the commercials said "I am an Army of One.")
4. current job where I make video games for a living yet spend 90 % of my time convincing folks that they are "training aids, dammit!"

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Steel Magnolias
2. Dogma
3. North & South (technically, a mini-series but who cares?)
4. The Usual Suspects

Four places I have lived:

1. Barstow, CA (yes... that little desert rathole you passed on your way from SoCal to Vegas)
2. West Lafayette, IN
3. Kiev, Ukraine
4. Stafford, VA

Four TV shows I love:

1. LOST
2. Top Chef (Even though I am not one for cooking. Eating... yes!)
3. Mad Men
4. Any of The Real Housewives shows... Orange County, New York, Atlanta... cattiness abounds on all of them!

Four places I've vacationed:

1. Key West, FL
2. Memphis, TN (Elvis and Bad Wolf! Killer combo)
3. Nassau, Bahamas
4. Okinawa, Japan (technically a work trip but I tacked on a few extra days for leisure)

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Sushi ("Hello, I am Roadtripper and I am a sushi addict")
2. Momma's gumbo
3. English sticky toffee pudding
4. Crawfish boil

Four sites I visit daily:

1. Jezebel
2. Facebook
3. Slate
4. Television Without Pity

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. eating sushi in Japan
2. at a spa retreat (Mmmmmm... massage... facial... pedicure)
3. at a sample sale where they only stocked my size (hey, a girl can dream, can't she?)
4. The Island!

Four People I am tagging:

1. Bad Wolf (can I even tag my own blog-mate?)
2. Draugr94
3. Supermadchen
4. Renae

When Reality Attacks

2008-12-10T21:16:00.002-05:00

Sorry, dear readers. Reality sometimes even seeps in to fantasy lands like our beloved island. Due to a high level of douchebaggery (™ Roadtripper) seen displayed by members of Team Testosterone (once again, ™ Roadtripper), I can't even bring myself to enjoy the rippling muscles and dimpled smiles of island inductees. Maybe next week... I am too busy licking my wounds right now.

And, like a true friend, Bad Wolf is standing strong against Team Testosterone with me. Too bad she doesn't live closer. We would have a hell of a time getting drunk off cheap wine and fashioning voodoo dolls in the douchebag's likeness.

Welcome to the Island: Hugh Jackman

2008-12-03T21:12:00.004-05:00

He was recently named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive and I think we can all see why. Sorry Eric but Hugh is my favorite Aussie. Even if you ignore the accent, smile, and versatility: huge romantic epics (Australia), big budget action flicks (X-Men), and even Broadway (I am ignoring the short lived Viva Laughlin) you still have one hell of a body. Just see exhibit A:

And who wouldn't want to run their finger through this hair:

Welcome to the Island Hugh, you will always have a spot on my sexiest man alive list.

Welcome To The Island: Eric Bana

2008-12-03T19:47:00.004-05:00

It's been two weeks since I have posted an island pick so I owe ya'll a good one:

Momma needs her smelling salts after viewing this one!

Hailing from the land down und-ah, Eric Bana was my first pick for fave Aussie (slacker side note: he was supposed to be my choice for the men in uniform edition two weeks ago but a nasty computer virus sidelined my blogging activity). He has a cute smile, great pecs and hair that just begs to have my fingers running through it. Plus, he got his start as a comedian... and what girl doesn't love a man who makes her laugh? I would let him call me his Sheila anyday!

Where to? Who cares? I would follow him anywhere.

Thanksgiving Flicks

2008-11-25T23:57:00.004-05:00

Ahhhh... the joys of being a grown-up. This marks the first year that I am hosting Thanksgiving at my house. Granted, 98 % of the cooking is still relegated to my mother... but that is what she gets for being such a damn fine cook! The folks roll in to town around noon tomorrow with Candace coming in later in the evening.

Thanksgiving is all about food, family and reflecting on all the things you are blessed with in your life. It is also the time of your father commandeering the remote to watch football, the pug (aka my little sister) acting like a spaz because she is in a new environment and your mom running the kitchen tighter than your drill sergeant ran a formation. Every family has their quirks. They may drive you a little batty but that is what you love them for.

To help you get in to the holiday spirit and to make you realize that your family isn't the only one who puts that proverbial fun in dysfunctional, here is my list of fave Thanksgiving movies:

5.) The Myth of Fingerprints - a tense family gathering where a dark secret is revealed. You will think your dad is a saint after seeing this one.

4.) The Ice Storm - Moody, dark period piece set in the 70s. Covet the cool clothes and sets while (once again) reveling in the fact that your parents are actually kind of normal in comparison.

3.) Pieces of April - What is up with Katie Holmes and Thanksgiving movies? (she also stars in The Ice Storm) Pre-Mrs. Tom Cruise, Holmes managed to charm as a quirky rebel trying to throw the perfect Thanksgiving for her estranged family. Excellent movie that strikes a good balance between humor and sappy Hallmark moments.

2.) The House of Yes - One of those movies that is so strange, you don't know if you love it or hate it... but you will talk about it for days. Tori Spelling, incest and JFK assassination re-enactments all rolled up in one dark, odd, sick, twisted and hysterical package.

1.) Home for the Holidays - Funny as hell, oddball characters and Robert Downey Jr. Need I say more?

What Are You Thankful For?

2008-11-25T19:39:00.007-05:00

I am thankful for much this holiday weekend, including:

A new President!

Technology. I have no idea what I would do without my cell phone, ipods (yes that's plural), and laptop. I am still not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing.

Good TV: Bones, How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural, and Doctor Who are all appointment TV for me. I.E. why I ignore your phone calls during those hours. They keep me entertained, make me think without being gimmicky (I am looking at you Heroes), and have some hot damn men to look at!

Even Better Music: Lately I have rediscovered old favorites (pick up Annie Lennox's new album now!) like Aretha Franklin, The Pretenders, and Patsy Cline, heard some great debuts (Adele, Duffy), and discovered established artists for the first time (Turin Brakes, Powderfinger, Fergie). Outside of the American Idol rejects pale imitations of music, it was a pretty damn good year.

Roadtripper and I's Island Men. Need I really say more?

The slow resurgence of decent fashion that embraces women with curves (and doesn't look like my closet from 1986)!

The slow but steady process to truly learn and love myself I am on.

Family and friends. Thank you to all of the old ones for putting up with me and listening to my endless ramblings and thank you to the new ones (shout out CKD!) who I am just getting to know. You all make life the insane, frustrating, utterly brilliant ride it is.

Remember, no matter how crappy the economy, or dim the current view seems to be, there is always reason to be thankful. Take a deep breath of the cool fall air, look around you and say thanks to whatever it is you believe in.

Welcome to the Island: Sean Bean

2008-11-19T21:49:00.005-05:00

Men in Uniform: you know the old saying: no one can resist a man in uniform. And considering the fact that I am in the Navy and the Summer White Uniform looks damn good on E-7 and above, I am not one to protest too much. Especially when the first glimpse of Sean Bean was when he starred in Sharpe's Rifles. It was a little seen series (on the BBC (PBS) that he starred in and where he first got my motor running. Maybe it was the fact that he rose through the enlisted ranks or that he never forgot where he came from. Hell, it was because he looked so damn fine whether he was Sharpe, the enemy in a Bond film, or Odysseus in Troy, he made anything look good. He was my very first crush. He can storm my castle, ranks, or damn well anything he pleases anytime. He is mine, however you call it. Welcome to the Island, Sean. Consider yourself in my personal Infantry for the time being.

My 30 Things

2008-11-18T22:25:00.006-05:00

A little (or a lot) on the late side, here is my list of 30 things. I am closing in on 30 as well and there is still much I would like to accomplish. Much I also thought I would have accomplished by now but hey no regrets right? Anyhoo, on to the show, with commentary:

1. Try not to over think everything so much, or be so hard on myself. (it is part of the reason this list is so late)
2. Go see an Indianapolis Colts game at Lucas Oil Stadium (while Manning is still the QB)
3. Go to Arizona to see Amy and Jeff
4. Take ballroom dancing lessons
5. Go back to the UK and go back to my old haunts and discover some new ones
6. Finally get the cajones to get a tattoo
7. Go skydiving again
8. Take a ride in a nice limo
9. Get/find a Euchre group to play regularly
10. Take a photography class and develop my skills more (love taking photos but have never taken the time to get a great camera or put a portfolio together)
11. Get up early, watch the sunrise from a beautiful spot and watch sunset from another great spot.
12. Go go karting
13. Find more places (less excuses) to wear those cute LBDs I have
14. Go to the Kentucky Derby and drink mint julips all day (or the Oaks, its a day before derby and is the cool race/party for all of the "locals")
15. Go ghost hunting! (my parents do this as a hobby and have been to some pretty cool places)
16. See Bruce Springsteen in concert
17. See the Stones in concert (they are bound to start breaking hips eventually!)
18. Show up at a guys place in heels and a trench coat and nothing else (the hard part in this {no pun intended} is finding a guy worthy)
19. Go do some more bad karaoke (of course, if I am singing it will always be bad)
20. Go to ComicCon
21. Learn to say No every once in a while
22. Take a cooking class or two
23. Go to the Beatles Fest for Fans in Chicago (what can I say, can you tell I am a geek yet?)
24. Run a half marathon (I keep telling myself I will do it, and one of these days I will damnit!)
25. Start writing a book out of the whacked out dreams I have
26. Go a Purdue Homecoming and be one of those annoying Alumni with Roadtripper (esp. since I now know why the Purdue Police called me the other day)
27. Go to Alabama to see my Uncle John and family (I see much travel in my future, no?)
28. Buy a damn DVR already!
29. Buy a real Christmas tree one year (cause I have never had a real tree)
30. Visit Andrea's grave again

My Next Boyfriend Part 2 (Electric Boogaloo!)

2008-11-17T20:38:00.004-05:00

After hearing the news that President-elect Obama is kind of a picky eater, I decided to update my list of what my next boyfriend will be.

My next boyfriend will NOT be a picky eater!!!!!

I hate men who are picky eaters yet I always seem to end up with them. They are no fun to go out to eat with. And forget about cooking for them!

My ex-husband wouldn't touch seafood. There he sat at some of the finest seafood joints the West Coast had to offer... eating steak. He couldn't even get that one right because he ordered it well done. Ugh! Why not just chew on a leather shoe?

My live-in ex-boyfriend had issues with his food touching. He would order Chinese food but eat the rice separately. I once bought him one of those plates for little kids with the separate compartments. My joke went awry when he actually started using it.

My favorite was a guy that I once went on a date with to a Mexican restaurant. I noticed he barely touched his meal so I asked if everything tasted okay. He said that he was upset about his choice of a chicken and cheese quesadilla. What were all these pesky peppers and onions doing in it? His bright idea was that is should have been advertised as a chicken, cheese, onion and pepper quesadilla. False advertising, dammit!

Did I mention that was our first and only date?

I am not a picky eater (the size of my hips can attest to this) so men who freak out about food perplex me. I am not fond of either carrot cake or mustard. But if I were a guest at some one's house who served mustard braised chicken followed by carrot cake for desert, I could manage. I will try anything once. Bad Wolf and I once went on a culinary binge at a street fair where we sampled everything from Polish food to cow brain burgers. Desert? Chocolate covered grasshoppers.

Well, except for pickles. Those things are just nasty! If one even touches my sandwich, I consider it tainted. Try as I might to get over this, I still retch at the mere smell of a pickle.

*** I have to give a shout-out to CKD for dredging up the memory of Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo from the dark recesses of my mind. Thanks to you, anything second in a series will now be referred to as Electic Boogaloo!

City Mouse In The Country

2008-11-17T20:10:00.005-05:00

I adore my new town. There is relatively no traffic (although I do find myself yelling at the slow drivers. Hellloooo... I have to have something to road rage about!) It is a picturesque town with easy access to the ocean and the White Oak River. It has beautiful sunrises and sunsets. I am constantly amazed when people chit-chat in the stores. When I lived in the DC area, I could conduct a purchase of a loaded grocery cart without the cashier even bothering to grunt out a hello. People here talk about everything from the weather to family to what was on TV last night. It is a very relaxed and charming change of pace for me.

Having said that, there are things in this town of just over 900 residents that make me laugh. I once had a Taco Bell craving at about 9:15 PM so I jumped in my car for the quick drive only to discover that it was closed. How the hell can you have the so-called "4th Meal" when it closes at 9 PM!!?!?! The streets definitely roll up early around here.

The best is this conversation I overheard Walgreens:

Little old lady: Do you sell milk here?

Clerk: Yes, ma'am. Lowest price in town.

Heh! Too bad "in town" consists of Walgreens, Lowes Food grocery store and two gas stations! Not a great deal of competition.

Play Free Bird, Man!

2008-11-17T20:00:00.002-05:00

Here is the latest addition to my tattoo collection. Upon hearing the news, my mom sighed heavily and started praying that her daughter wasn't headed towards circus life as the amazing tattooed lady. (In my defense, I only have 4!) Since mom is already exasperated with me, I can't post a picture of just where it is on my body since it would require me to be in my bra (right ribcage so just use your imagination).

So... what does it represent? It is my very own free bird. In honor of my 30th birthday, I decided that a bird taking flight would be indicative of me embracing this new decade. That's right... the girl who vowed to spend her 30th birthday curled up in the fetal position, drinking vodka and ignoring her "well-wishing" friends' phone calls has now turned coat and is relishing her 30s.

Mom just wishes that I had chosen a less permanent way to celebrate!

Welcome To The Island: Dennis Miller

2008-11-12T21:30:00.005-05:00

Mom always said that good looks will only get you so far; it is much better to have someone with whom you can discuss the morning paper with over breakfast. Smart = sexy. But smart + funny as hell = my eternal devotion. Enter Dennis Miller. I have had a secret crush on him for years. I love his old stand-up routines, even though I have to break out a dictionary to decipher half of what he is saying. I even tuned in for his disastrous run as a commentator on Monday Night Football (anyone who knows me can attest to my hatred of the sport) just so I could get snippets of his razor sharp wit and see that wicked smile.

His recent turn as a wack-job right wing news commentator definitely tests my devotion. Dennis Miller still cracks me up though, and I would love to see what discussions we would have over the morning paper. Welcome to the island, Dennis!

Welcome to the Island: Tim Roth

2008-11-12T19:27:00.005-05:00

Not everyone on our island is as classically pretty as many our recent posts may suggest. They don't have to have six packs or know six ways to kill someone. There are certain men who strike our fancy for no obvious reason. So maybe it's the nose, maybe its the accent (that definitely helps), or maybe it's the fact that it was in the classic Reservoir Dogs that I first saw him: Tim Roth:

Whatever reason it is, I find him incredibly hot. And hey, I've seen Rob Roy and still find him sexy. That is no easy feat.

So welcome to the island Tim Roth, I'll be your honey bunny anytime.

Have you Hugged A Veteran Today?

2008-11-11T20:58:00.006-05:00

Roadtripper has been having computer issues lately, so on behalf of the both of us I wish you all a happy Veteran's Day. It is not only a day off for most federal and state employees, it is a day to remember the reason why most of us got to sleep in today. It is for the long days, weeks, months, and occasionally years that our fighting men and women go without seeing their loved ones to serve a greater cause. Whether you believe in that cause or not, they often do. and even if they don't they do it without (much) complaint. So on behalf of two veterans (one still serving), go hug (or kiss, or shag) a veteran, they deserve it.

And go Navy beat Army!!

30 Things

2008-11-08T15:08:00.006-05:00

My first social networking site wasn't Facebook or even Myspace. I used to belong to the online community 43 Things. The initial concept was simple: you listed 43 things that you wanted to do in your life. These goals could be lofty (I want to walk on the moon), frivolous (I want to get a weekly pedicure) or mundane (I want to clean out my garage). The whole concept appealed to my love of making lists while giving me time to reflect on what the hell I wanted to do in life.

Like most good things, 43 Things became too much of a good thing. Users were encouraged to give in depth explanations of their goals. Other people could comment and offer advice or encouragement. Then came all those "cheers" you could give to people. Keeping up with cheers was more intensive than keeping up with all my Facebook applications. Then came the sister sites 43 Places and 43 People... I waved the white flag.

Still, I miss having a list of things I want to do in my life. Until I realized, hey, I have a worthless blog that I can spout of my goals on! No cheers to keep up with; just the comments from my beloved readers.

And to hell with 43. Since I turned 30 this year, I am sticking with that number. Plus... it is Saturday afternoon and I am feeling lazy.

30 Things I want to do:

1. go horseback riding (how does one make it to their 30th birthday without ever doing this?)

2. have a signature dish (frozen pizza from the box doesn't count)

3. find that "sweatsuit alternative" that Tim Gunn keeps talking about

4. convince Bad Wolf, Blonde Bomb and CKD to go to Ireland for vacation (just think of those accents, ladies!)

5. find an antique cameo ring (to replace the one my shithead cousin stole after my aunt died)

6. learn how to play chess

7. find a place where everyone knows my name (a la Cheers!)

8. quit expecting the worst from people

9. visit Andrea's grave

10. learn all the lyrics to "We Didn't Start The Fire" (you never know when this might come in handy)

11. practice yoga regularly (regularly being the key word here)

12. go to a Purdue Alumni function (aka be one of those annoying people that roll around West Lafayette drunk out of their mind, reminiscing about "the old days" that really weren't that great)

13. wear my pearls more often

14. go skydiving again

15. actually keep a houseplant alive (hellooooo... cactus-killer here)

16. figure out how to wear one of those trendy scarves

17. write more bad poetry

18. take all those clothes that don't quite fit right to a tailor

19. go to the movies by myself

20. quit fighting with my snooze button

21. write thank you notes on spiffy stationary

22. turn my home office in to an actual home office instead of a junk room

23. find out if cruises are a great vacation or just floating hell on earth

24. watch the Godfather trilogy

25. score the perfect Little Black Dress

26. never be "the other woman" again

27. download audio books to my Ipod and listen to that on my work commute (instead of screaming at slow drivers)

28. find a sexy guy with a sexy motorcycle

29. send my all my friends flowers at work and sign the card as their secret admirer (because what girl doesn't like flowers at work? And, since guys never send them, friends should just pick up the slack)

30. cover up that tattoo on my back (so people can quit asking what "that big black circle" is)

Oh... Just Go Get A Room (In The White House!)

2008-11-05T20:54:00.006-05:00

I swear, President-Elect and Future First Lady Obama (felt so good typing that!) are just too damn cute. I actually choked up a little bit at the genuineness of his thanks to "my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life". Awwww! Can these two get any more adorable? I am going to go in to sugar shock after 4 (or 8, fingers crossed) years of this.

Welcome to the Island: Jason Statham

2008-11-05T19:09:00.004-05:00

Just like Roadtripper, I too have a not so secret thing for Brits, especially those who can kick some ass. So when she brought up the idea but said Daniel Craig was taken, I had no problem coming up with many names to choose from. I was this close to going with Sean Bean (he's had me since Sharpe's Rifles) but then I saw this sent to me courtesy of Roadtripper:

Yowza! I see your bathing beauty shot Roadtripper and raise you that! Only a body like that could have me sitting through The Transporter. But I gladly will if it means I get to see Jason Statham kicking ass, taking names, and doing it all with a rough British accent.

And because you can never have too many shirtless pics of him:

Welcome To The Island: Daniel Craig

2008-11-05T18:52:00.005-05:00

Sure, I'll play your silly little game and call you Mr. Bond.

I love action movies. Actually, rewind... I like action movies with sexy, British guys in them. I would much rather watch James Bond charm the pants off a woman and sip a martini than some guy killing everyone in the room with his mere pinky finger. The accent just makes it so much classier, no?

I never thought anyone would replace Sean Connery as the sexiest Bond. Then along came Daniel Craig. "A blonde Bond?!?" everyone screamed. Then he had to go show all the haters that sometimes blondes really do have more fun... or at least more women swooning. Need more proof? I present Exhibit A: The Bathing Suit scene

Ursula Andress no longer holds the patent on sexiest Bond bathing suit moment

Turning Men To Stone Since 1978

2008-11-03T20:54:00.004-05:00

My Halloween costume came about rather randomly this year. I had ordered a flapper costume online. Since my only sizing options were "One Size Fits Most" or 1X, I thought it would be a good move to chose the 1X option and give myself a little breathing room. Bad decision! The costume arrived three days before Halloween and was so large that me, Bad Wolf and a third person could have fit in it. I frantically dug through my closet for other options. Had the hat and boots for a cowgirl costume but my only denim skirt is more of the pencil variety and doesn't exactly scream Hee Haw. I have a kick ass Japanese dress that I have been dying to wear but the costume wouldn't have been complete without a little geisha girl wig. Roadtripper + wig = a night of hot, sweaty hell.

I rushed out to the costume store on Halloween day on my lunch break. My only criteria were 1.) no wigs and 2.) must cover my ass, thus eliminating every naughty nun/slutty cheerleader costume.

The end result? Medusa! Yeah. Turn 'em all to stone because that just reflects my current sentiment to most of humanity these days... well, at least the male population.

Armed with spiral rollers (ha ha! snakes... get it?) and tons of hairspray to cajole my stick straight locks in to staying put, I made it work in a last minute way that Tim Gunn would have been proud of. Check out the 'do:

I can't seem to find a full-length picture of me in the costume... so here is one of a very happy and drunk Medusa instead.

Get Your Vote On!

2008-11-03T20:00:00.005-05:00

By now, most people have decided who they are voting for (or if they are even going to vote at all.) I love Election Day. My inner political science nerd thinks the whole electoral process is fascinating. Being a veteran makes me appreciate that it is a chance to pick your commander-in-chief (and, in a way, your own boss! Who else can say that?)

Which ever side of the fence you sit on, take a moment to check out this (bi-partisan) clip. It is catchy as hell, and I guarantee you will be singing it while waiting in line at the polls tomorrow.

Thanks to all the voters out there (yeah, yeah... even you insane McCain-Palin supporters!) We may not see eye to eye on every issue but all of us want to see this great country become even greater.

Bad Wolf Didn't Disappear She's Just Been Masquerading as Scully!

2008-11-03T19:58:00.004-05:00

Yeah, its a little late, but as Roadtripper has already explained it takes a lot longer to recover from nights of debauchery than it used to. ;) And I realized it had been a bit and I should probably find something to post. I thought hey! I could post my costume pic from Halloween. In case you don't get it, I went as Agent Scully from the X-Files (best show ever). It was last minute and easy to put together. Check out the breasts on the second pic!

My Next Boyfriend...

2008-11-03T18:43:00.006-05:00

Today I read an interesting article on one of my favorite blogs. The gist of the article was to list things that you expect from your future boyfriend by using the bad behavior of past boyfriends. Things like "my next boyfriend is not going to have children" or "will be emotionally available."

** Must be popular... they updated their list**

Ha! Amateurs!

Here's my stab at it:

My next boyfriend...

- will not be so moody as to have mental breakdowns and threaten to commit suicide. (Looking at you, ex-Mr. Roadtripper)

- will know who the US fought in World War II. (Sorry, Joe, but the correct answer is not England. And... no... Hitler still isn't British, you dumb ass!)

- will be able to address problems in the relationship directly and not have to resort to talking through your cat. (And I still think Fleabag is a idiotic name for a feline, Eric Version 1.0)

- will not have to resort to telling war stories about killing people in order to make up for certain... ahem... inadequacies. (Worst pillow talk EVER, L)

- will not secretly try on my dresses and take pictures when I am not home (Sorry to call you out J/R but that one still stings a little bit!)

- will not freak out at the mere sight of a tampon, throw it on the ground in front of our white-water rafting group and shout "I'm not gonna carry your fucking tampons!" (Eric Version 3.0)

- will come up with a better name for his nether regions than his "junk". (Looking at you again, Eric Version 3.0. Note to self: stop dating guys named Eric)

- will not already have a girlfriend who lives in California who he is planning to move across the country to live with him. (Did you really think you were that slick, Maj. Pain?)

Zen And The Art Of Beach Jogging

2008-11-02T20:49:00.005-05:00

After tying one on a little too heavily on Halloween and spending all day Saturday on the couch recovering (why is a 30 year old even trying to keep up with Marines in their early 20s?), I made a resolution to do something constructive this Sunday. Give the old homestead a cleaning: check. Laundry: yup. Pay bills: complete. Back up hard drive: done. Catch up on all the TV shows stacking up in my DVR: mission accomplished... other than Survivor. I just can't get in to this season.

All that hard work resulted in me having a massive Taco Bell craving. I tried to ignore it but the demand for processed spicy chicken and Fire sauce could not be suppressed. "Fine," I bartered with myself "but only after a jog." I drug my lazy ass across the bridge to Emerald Isle and parked at the closest public beach access before I could talk myself out of it.

Damn if it wasn't the best thing I did all weekend. Weather was perfect, mid-60s with little wind. It was right at 5 PM so the sun was starting its descent. No Ipod necessary when I have a symphony of waves and seagulls. This shit beats running on a treadmill in a crowded gym any day.

All my talk about moving here so I could be close to the beach, and yet I really haven't been taking full advantage of it. This week's goal is to get out there as much as possible, even if it is for a quick walk after work.

And, yes, I still indulged in greasy, nasty Taco Bell. And it was good!

Palin Gets Punk'd

2008-11-01T20:39:00.003-04:00

A Quebec radio station managed to convince Gov. Palin's camp that she was actually receiving a call from French president Nicolas Sarkozy... and Palin fell for it! This is one of the funniest things I have heard all year. Not only does it further prove Palin's idiocy but I am suspecting a little Sarkozy crush on Palin's part. Sorry, Sarah, but your Guns & Ammo Barbie act probably wouldn't hold up against his French supermodel/pop star wife.

Proof My Co-Workers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

2008-10-30T22:14:00.003-04:00

FYI: I am registered and plan on participating in North Carolina's early voting on Saturday. But this scenario still scares the beejebus out of me. So get out there on November 4th (or earlier, if you can!)

Welcome to the Island: Edward Norton

2008-10-29T19:17:00.007-04:00

Edward Norton never played a Nazi but he did play a neo-Nazi in American History X. And despite the fact that his character had just produced one of the most cringe worthy moments of modern film (biting the curb), I could only think one thing: damn he's hot. With the size of those biceps one can easily ignore the giant swastika tattoo. Hell, who cares about the tattoo, have you seen that chest?

I have since watched him in some great movies as Fight Club and the Illusionist and some not so great: Italian Job anyone? There is just something about that man. He can slip into roles like a chameleon, not that I am often thinking of his acting ability when I watch him. I will take him anyway I can.

Oh, and for you trivia buffs, he was in Red Dragon with Ralph Fiennes. Damn those men are fine.

Welcome To The Island: Ralph Fiennes

2008-10-29T15:32:00.011-04:00

Today's island theme is guys that you first found hot even when you first saw them in a less-than-desirable role. Every girl loves a jerk, right?

Enter my decade plus love of Ralph Fiennes. The first time I remember seeing him on film was at my high school's obligatory viewing of Schindler's List. The movie ripped my cold heart out and dissolved it in to a quivering pile of despair... yet through all that, I couldn't help notice just how stunningly gorgeous that shithead Nazi Amon Göth was. And I mean seriously stunning in an ice-cold way. Is that even normal?

All I could think of was that line from Sylvia Plath's poem "Daddy":

Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

Is it strange to lust after a guy playing a Nazi in a movie about a concentration camp? Therapy, anyone?

Ralph Fiennes constantly makes it hard to love him. He specializes in dickhead roles. After chilling my blood in Schindler's List, he managed to creep me out as the original emo guy Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights or as a nutbag in The Red Dragon or even his recent turn as a mob boss in In Bruges. As much as I love The English Patient (yes... I am still holding out for a guy to claim my clavicle as the body part that he owns on me. That scene makes me swoon every time), I will even admit that his romantic Count László de Almássy had tinges of asshole. But he sure was damn pretty in that movie...

Even though I publicly condemned his more commercial turns in The Avengers and Maid in Manhattan (J-Lo? Seriously?), I privately tuned in just to see him play a nice guy. Or maybe just to see him in a sharp suit. Whatever.

Every girl IS crazy for a sharp-dressed man!

I will watch Ralph Fiennes play a Nazi or even a serial killer but I draw the line with all those Harry Potter movies. C'mon... they took his nose away. That is just wrong to mar such perfection.

Must pull out copy of English Patient to heal the pain of looking at this picture.

Yeah... What She Said!

2008-10-28T17:14:00.007-04:00

An article that articulates what I was trying to say in my last post. Maybe I should just leave it to the professionals. (But at least I have another reason to post a Jon Hamm picture. Mmmmm... Jon Hamm!)

While I am at it, a few other things that have caught my eye in the blog-o-sphere lately:

I know the dating scene is pretty rough these days... but taking out an ad during the Super Bowl for your husband hunt?!? Really?

Maybe crazy Super Bowl husband hunter just needs a little love advice. Who better to play love doctor than a Sarah Palin impersonator?

First we saw the death of the hand-written letter due to email. The latest technology-induced death? The phone call. I, for one, think this one stinks cuz txt msgs can sck it!

It is bad enough that hipsters brought back skinny jeans but now they are naming their kids Butch and Mamie.

Got the election blues? Tired of hearing about swing voters? Here's a little sick humor for you (courtesy of The Onion):

Gunman Kills 15 Potential Voters In Crucial Swing State

Dirtbag Alert: The Pickup Artist

2008-10-26T16:07:00.006-04:00

I spent this Sunday trying to regain my sanity after an invasion by out-of-town relatives. Complete sensory overload the last few days led me to loll on the couch and watch my DVR recordings that have been piling up over the last few weeks.

The worst guilty pleasure? The second season of VH-1's "The Pickup Artist". Ladies, arm yourself against stealth attacks by drunken idiots in bars by watching this ridiculous show. There are men out there who actually buy in to this drivel. The show centers on turning lovable geeks with no game in to so-called "ladies' men". Too bad their tutor is a former magician called Mystery who advocates wearing black nail polish, goggles, feather boas and top hats as a way to lure the ladies in. He calls it "peacocking"; I call it "dressing like a moron." Mystery teaches the use of winning opening lines such as:

"Let me ask you a question: Would you ever sleep with a guy named Herman?"
"Hey... did you see the fight outside?" (when there was no fight)

Of course, I will probably just be accused of "negging" him but I declare an official Dirtbag Alert on anything Pickup Artist-related.

Oh yeah... you are so sexy! Hold me back. No, really... hold me back, please.

Want real advice on the art of seduction? Just watch my beloved Jon Hamm's skit on SNL. Sadly, this comedy skit is way sexier than anything that goofy magician could offer up.

Or, perhaps even better, Captain Kirk's Guide to Women:

What The Fugg?

2008-10-26T15:50:00.003-04:00

When UGG boots came out, I threw up a little in my mouth. I swore that I would never succumb, no matter how comfortable or warm they may be. Even when the UGG knock-offs (fake + UGG = Fugg) flooded the market and offered up a cheaper alternative, I remained resolute.

Resolute... that is, until the weather turned cooler and I needed a way to keep my feet warm when smoking out on my balcony.

Yeah... I answered the sirens' call of Fuggs. These things are hideous but dammit if they aren't warm. I do promise to never wear these monstrosities outside of the house (albeit that quick run to the grocery store the other night!)

Celebrate Our Milestone!

2008-10-22T21:47:00.003-04:00

I just noticed that this will be My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma's 100th post. Party time! Thanks to all of our readers (all 5 of ya'll!) Bad Wolf and I appreciate you taking some time out of your day to take a glimpse in to our warped minds.

Welcome To The Island: Julian McMahon

2008-10-22T21:35:00.006-04:00

I need a man that looks like this, stat! I wasn't even a regular viewer of the show Nip/Tuck, but Julian McMahon managed to grab my attention and freeze up my channel surfing finger every time he graced the screen. When Bad Wolf proposed the theme of hot TV doctors (hospital dramas have never quite been my thing!), it took a moment. Then I remembered this guy. Those pouty lips and cold blue eyes send my fragile heart in to palpitations. Then there is that sexy Australian accent he has in real life.

Random trivia fact: Did you know that his dad was the former Prime Minister of Australia?

Welcome to the Island: Goran Visnjic

2008-10-22T19:44:00.004-04:00

Along with procedurals and cop shows, hospital dramas are one of the staples of TV. Which gives us many fine looking men that we would love to give us a full physical. My top choice? Goran Visnjic from ER. With that hair and those eyes and just a little bit of stubble he has me finding new ways to check into the ER. He is a tortured troubled flawed soul on the show but always does the right thing in the end. And he it does it all with that lovely accent as well.

ER has had its ups and downs over its 17 years on TV. Every scene with Goran? Brilliant and gorgeous. Welcome to the island Goran don't forget your medical kit.

Lessons Learned This Weekend

2008-10-20T20:08:00.005-04:00

- If the tattoo artist you are talking to keeps referencing his cocaine habit, it is perfectly fine to walk out of the studio. I woke up Saturday sans regrets or any shakily drawn ink additions to my body.

- Chivalry is not dead. If a man opens doors for you, he will turn out to be detail-oriented, considerate and attentive in other areas. (Hi mom!)

- Drinking Margaritas and shooting Wild Turkey at a pre-party, washing down your Japanese food with sake and plum wine then playing pool while sipping beer and rum and Cokes is not "a tour around the world via your glass" or "a way to visit Mexico, Kentucky, Japan, St. Louis and Jamaica all in one night"... it is just a good way to feel like crap Sunday morning.

- If a man makes a half-ass promise that you two will "maybe grab a bite to eat Sunday night" after he gets back from Raleigh, don't clear your calender. Go eat dinner with a new girl friend instead and surprise yourself that you hadn't even thought about his empty promise until you got ready for bed that night. Rejoice in the fact that this thought was fleeting and did not ruin your night.

Sweet Home Chicago

2008-10-20T20:05:00.005-04:00

Okay, so its not really my home but it is (a good song and a much shorter title than what i originally thought of) to good friends of mine. You may remember that before the flu, before my trip home, before blogger decided i was the enemy, and before my very good date i had this weekend, i went to Chicago to see friends from college. These friends, Hayley and Billy, have a daughter Allison who was celebrating her first birthday.

So without further ado, and because CKD requested them (see, I haven't forgotten!) here are a few pics of the adorable tyke and yes i am biased.

Hayley with Allison

Allison with her daddy, Billy

Mommy, Can I Be A Porn Star For Halloween This Year?

2008-10-20T19:36:00.004-04:00

The question of Halloween costumes came up this weekend. I have a party to go to but no idea what to go as. Since I don't know a lot of people that are going to be there, anything involving heavy make-up or masks is out. No matter how cool the costume, nobody wants to take a chance chatting up a chick whose werewolf mask might actually be a vast improvement on her day-to-day look.

Halloween used to be so easy. I spent the ages of 2 through 10 alternating between dressing up as either Cinderella, Princess Leia or Madonna. My junior and senior high years were all about the scary costumes. College was reserved for the high-brow, over-thought costumes that nobody got. "So... you're like a zombie, huh?" "Yeah, but I am carrying a briefcase. Get it? I'm a corporate zombie. Duh!" Same thing goes for the year I dressed up as a drag queen and spent the night trying to explain how funny it was to be a woman dressed up as a man dressed up as a woman.

Then my 21st birthday rolled around and I entered the bar scene. Halloween hasn't been the same since. No longer is Halloween all about creativity or scariness. Nope. Halloween is now the one holiday when other-wise respectable, educated women can get away with dressing like utter sluts and still look their co-workers in the eye the next day. Slutty cop, slutty fallen angel, slutty Greek goddess, slutty librarian... I have worn them all.

Now I am 30. After looking at a beer wench costume that would really look kick ass with a pair of Mary Jane stilettos I picked up recently, I had to stop and ask myself: When is it time to hang up the slutty Halloween costumes?

Talk amongst yourselves. I haven't hit the checkout button for that slutty Eve costume in my online shopping cart either.

Welcome To The Island: Jon Hamm

2008-10-15T23:19:00.003-04:00

Island Wednesday has had its challenges this time around. Bad Wolf fought with the Blogger site for a few hours to post her pick before finally throwing up her hands. Hopefully, the technical demons will leave her alone soon and she will post by tomorrow. I worked a 12 hour shift today followed by another Meetup.com event (FYI: those chicks are really cool. Yay new friends!) I rushed home but still managed to arrive 30 minutes in to the presidential debate I had planned to live blog. And I still owe my loyal readers an island pick.

Forget Calgon, I want Jon Hamm to take me away on days like these. He is the lead actor from my new cult fave, Mad Men. His character is a womanizing cheat but I still swoon over this guy. Sexy voice, piercing eyes, lips that beg me to kiss them, great dimples.

Just Go Meet In The Alley, You Two!

2008-10-15T21:35:00.006-04:00

Sorry, guys but I am late tonight! I had another one of my meetup group events tonight. After work drinks at a local bar... I needed a jump start for this final debate. Oooohh... the sit-down forum. Interesting.

9:33 Boy did I walk in at a good time. McCain and Obama are going at it about McCain's political rallies. McCain is trying to defend the fact that some of his supporters are bigots. Obama has a STFU look on his face.

9:37 The Bill Ayers question. Obama handles it well. They served on a board together. Big whoop! Obama states clearly that Ayers will not be on his Cabinet.

9:38 Obama in a red tie; McCain in a blue one. What's going on tonight? Do they text each other beforehand? They are worse than me and my girlfriends before a night out.

9:40 Who's VP is better? Creepy old guy vs. Guns & Ammo Barbie. Tough call but creepy guy has a slight edge.

9:44 Obama managed to keep a straight face when answering if Palin was qualified as VP.

9:45 McCain touts that Palin understands special-needs children. Obama counters with those special-needs children would need more funding for research and support. McCain disagrees. What are we supposed to do... help them just through the mighty power of prayer?

9:47 Obama sure is smirking a lot tonight. The guy knows he has this election in the bag. Unless he whips out his dick, slaps it on McCain's forehead and shouts "Kill Whitey"... nope... come to think of it, he would still win. (Might even pick up a few extra votes, while he was at it)

9:53 McCain just needs to publish his passport so he can quit bragging about all the countries he has been to. Besides... I got drunk in Mexico a few times; it doesn't make me an expert on its economy. Who cares if McCain has actually been to Columbia?

9:59 McCain is now talking to his buddy "Joe the Plumber" and calling him "my friend". Do you really think McCain knows the name of his plumber?

10:00 Shit... now Obama is talking to "Joe the Plumber" too. I liked Joe better when he was Joe Sixpack.

10:01 New drinking game: Take a shot every time they say Joe. (I just opened a Woodchuck).

10:03 Shut up about Joe, dammit! I can't drink fast enough to keep up with this.

10:07 McCain says that he would pick Supreme Court Justices only by their qualifications not their ideology. Why don't I believe that? Ideology has been the basis for every single Justice on the bench. That is what the Supreme Court is for.

10:11 I break out in to a cold sweat when McCain says "We have to change the culture of this nation" when talking about his pro-life stance. What the hell does that mean? I like our culture just fine, thank you.

10:17 Why are Americans so stupid and lagging in education? Just look at McCain's political rallies. Must be a part of that culture McCain was speaking of.

10:20 Obama on Bush's "No Child Left Behind": "He left the money behind." LOL, Obama!

10:26 Bob Schieffer just referenced Myspace. Is it just me or do old people sound funny when they talk about Myspace?

10:28 McCain almost says he wants to make health care avoidable...er... affordable. Freuiean slip?

10:29 McCain mentions all the sacrifices he has made for his country. That POW bit never gets old, does it?

10:30 Obama closes on a fairly upbeat message.

10:31 Bob Schieffer's closing statement (claims it is from his mom): "Go vote now! It will make you feel stronger!" I couldn't have said it any better.

10:32 Damn! Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain didn't even talk to each other up on stage. I smell bad blood.

Whew! Again, sorry for my tardiness. I am glad the debates are over. Now go vote... it will make us all feel stronger!

My Dad, The Photographer's Muse

2008-10-12T14:10:00.007-04:00

Last weekend, my folks came down from Virginia to visit my new digs. My dad, the avid bass fisherman, took it as an opportunity to try surf fishing. Mom and I weren't so keen on getting up at 6 AM so we ended up joining him out on Emerald Isle later in the morning. Our loss. Turns out sometimes the early bird does get that proverbial worm. My dad met a photographer out there as the sun was rising who ended up taking some fab pics of him. Neither of them had a pen and paper to exchange email addresses so dad wrote his email in the sand and the guy took a picture of it. My thanks to the photographer, Justin Pond. Not only did he take some amazing shots but he really made my dad's weekend. Man thinks he is some kind of supermodel now. Next stop... the cover of Vogue?!?

I May Not Be Miss Manners But...

2008-10-11T14:54:00.003-04:00

Has etiquette fallen to the wayside these days? I threw a party last night and was astounded by the amount of no-shows who didn't even bother to pick up the phone to call or text that they weren't coming. All of them were people who at least acted like they fully intended to come. How rude! If someone takes the time to clean their house and stock the fridge for you, at least have the common courtesy to RSVP properly.

File Her Under "Women I Admire"

2008-10-11T14:36:00.004-04:00

It's official: Betty White rocks my world.

Welcome To The Island: Christian Bale

2008-10-08T19:02:00.013-04:00

Just in time to sweep down and rescue us all from The Great Economic Crisis of 2008, this week's island inductees are examples of America's love of superheroes (or of Roadtripper and Bad Wolf's love of hot muscular guys in silly costumes.)

My pick is Christian Bale, the latest Dark Knight. I honestly don't give a fig about Batman yet I squealed like a school girl when I heard Christian Bale was going to don the Caped Crusader's codpiece. This man has talent, not to mention extreme dedication when it comes to his roles. His intensity, smoldering eyes and sick physique are too much for this girl. Just take his role in American Psycho. I didn't know if I should turn off the TV and cower in the other room or roll on the floor with laughter or lick the screen every time he appeared sans shirt (FYI: I chose the latter two options.) He can save the day, even if he does make you feel a little uncomfortable while doing it. And did I mention how hot he is with his shirt off?

Welcome to the Island: Troubled Superheroes

2008-10-08T19:02:00.012-04:00

You should recognize him from Iron Man, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Tropic Thunder, Chaplain and many more movies (and hopefully not his less than stellar roles: I am looking at you Ally McBeal!). Superhero: check, he did an awesome turn as Tony Stark. Troubled: check, I think we all know his history and are happy that the troubled times are behind him. And now that they are, I think we can all agree that Robert Downey Jr has aged like a fine wine, he just keeps getting better and better. As previous posts of mine and Roadtripper's can attest, I tend to go for the blond boys. I can always make an exception for RDJ. Those eyes, that hair, that smart ass attitude! And he can completely disappear into his roles, showing great versatility as an actor. And you can tell there is intelligence there as well. I want to hang out with him, converse with him about all matters of the universe, make fun of others with him, cause massive amounts of trouble with him, and then shag him silly!

He is more than a pretty face, but oh what a face. Welcome to the island, Robert, now get over here.

Fairly Unbalanced (And Freaking Hysterical!)

2008-10-08T18:49:00.003-04:00

I am forced to watch FOX news at work (it just doesn't seem worth it to put up a fight because I am grossly outnumbered). Most of the time FOX makes my blood boil, but every once in awhile, a comedic gem like this one lands in my lap.

Maybe Mud Wrestling Would Have Been A Better Format

2008-10-07T20:59:00.014-04:00

Yup! This was the highlight of the debate.

I had a blast live-blogging the VP debate. I don't know if tonight's Presidential Debate will be anywhere near as entertaining but here goes:

9:00 Oooooh! Town hall format. This shows promise.

9:01 Tom Brokaw as the moderator. I love how he can't properly pronounce his Rs. I find this man strangely hot. Strange, I know.

9:02 Brokaw jokes that audience members have to show restraint but those of us at home don't have to do the same. The man knows me too well.

9:03 Dorky wave from McCain. He looks like he is facing a firing squad.

9:05 Straight out the gate, the economy question comes up and Obama blames Bush then McCain. Follows ups with exactly how he would fix it. Well played.

9:06 McCain is going to solve the economic crisis by cutting money to "countries who don't like us very much." Uhhhh... yeah...

9:08 McCain tries for down-home folksy by addressing everyone as "my friends." It just sounds snippy.

9:09 Brokaw asks who McCain would appoint Secretary of Treasury. McCain responds with "Not you, Tom." Joke bombs. Crickets chirp.

9:10 I receive a text from Dustin saying "No drinkin during the debate." Too late! I was going to take a drink every time someone mentioned the economy but wisely decided against it.

9:12 McCain pats himself on the back again for suspending his campaign to deal with the economic crisis. How'd that work out for ya, old man?

9:14 Obama says he has to correct McCain "not surprisingly." Them's fighting words. Maybe there is hope for this debate after all.

9:17 Wow! This isn't as much fun tonight. The economy has even put a damper on my ability to laugh at anything.

9:17 McCain just said "my friend" again. Not sure who to. New drinking game, anyone?

9:21 They are both trying to out-do each other in the "I'm a reformer" department. It was more fun when it was being called maverick. Can't believe I am saying this but bring back the maverick! Where's Palin when we need her?

9:24 "My friends". Drink! (I am chugging $5 wine tonight. In case you haven't heard: ECONOMIC CRISIS!!!)

9:27 Brokaw reminds them to keep it short or they will "have a bigger deficit than the US government." Oh, Brokaw, I am glad someone didn't lose their sense of humor tonight.

9:29 McCain answers the "what sacrifices would you ask the average American to make to solve the economic crisis?" question without mentioning his own huge sacrifice as a POW. Is he even awake tonight? Old man is slipping.

9:35 Obama uses the "scalpel not a hatchet" line regarding cuts to government spending. Cool line but its effectiveness is waning with overuse.

9:40 McCain's laugh reminds me too much of a dying man's last gasp. It makes me break out in hives by reminding me that he is decrepit and Palin is waiting in the wings. Thankfully he says "my friends" again so I can take another swig and calm my nerves.

9:45 Obama says the government scientists invented the Internet. Know your history, son! Poppa Gore is responsible for that one.

9:47 Damn, Brokaw is getting really pissy about time. Looks like he needs some $5 wine too.

9:53 I just noticed the candidates' choice of ties. Obama in blue, McCain in red. How original. What I wouldn't give to see a pink checkered tie...

9:54 McCain makes a needing a hair transplant joke when talking about health care. Not only did the joke suck but way to draw attention to the fact that you are ancient, McCain. I think of Palin taking over again and take two swigs.

9:55 Is health care a responsibility or a right? Obama says right, McCain says responsibility. Easy to say when your wife is a beer heiress.

10:08 Damn, I am bored!

10:11 McCain cribs Teddy Roosevelt's "speak softly and carry a big stick" then says Obama talks too loudly because he announces his plans. God forbid we keep Americans in the loop.

10:14 Obama gets pissed and throws McCain's "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran" comment back in his face as an example of McCain not speaking softly. LOL, Obama!

10:15 Regarding bin Laden, McCain just says "Don't even worry... I know how to catch him." Okay, so why hasn't he shared this great master plan sometime in the past 7 years?!?!?!?

10:16 McCain accuses Obama of sending out a telegram of his military plans. Telegram? Join this century, old fart. FYI: It would be a Facebook status update nowadays.

10:23 Brokaw tries to limit the candidates to a yes or no answer when asking the question "Is Russia still an Evil Empire?" Politicians giving a concise, one-word answer... bitch, please! On a serious note, that was way too complicated of a question for just a yes or no.

10:26 A retired Naval chief asks McCain a question. McCain thanks him for his service and says everything he learned in the Navy was from a chief. Hell yeah! Enlisted folks rock! Too bad I don't think his fly-boy ass really believes that. Especially since all reports about McCain's military service make him out to be an asshole.

10:30 Shot of Michelle Obama. I heart her!

10:32 Obama talks about his single mom, growing up on food stamps and being raised by grandma in his closing statement. Too little, too late with your attempt to pull the heart strings after being bone dry all night.

10:33 McCain tries to match Obama with his absent military father. Even worse.

10:34 Brokaw tells the candidates to get the hell out of the way of his tele-prompter so he can sign off and go get his drink on. I feel his pain!

I think I would have had more fun sitting in the dentist's chair than watching that debate. Lame!

Farewell To Old Friends

2008-10-05T21:59:00.009-04:00

After a weekend of gorging myself on fried seafood, cheesecake and Hardee's breakfast (in my defense, my folks were in town), I have decided to tighten up the diet again and start hitting the beach for some running starting tomorrow morning. Monday mornings suck but they offer up a tabula rasa of sorts. But since it isn't Monday yet, I used the excuse of "cleaning out my fridge" to indulge in the ultimate gastronomic pleasure.

Hellooooo, old friend!

If you have never had English sticky toffee pudding, search the dessert menu of your local English or Irish pub. It is a must have. Over Memorial Day, Bad Wolf, Momma Bad Wolf and I almost fought over who got to lick the plate after we shared a plate of it at an Irish pub in Louisville. No pub nearby? This Haagen-Dazs version is an awesome substitute (Thanks for the heads-up, Bad Wolf!)

Well, I am off to go "clean my fridge" some more. Wish me luck!

SNL Keeps Firing on all Cylinders (at least when it comes to the Election)!

2008-10-05T21:41:00.004-04:00

Last night's Saturday Night Live saw Tina Fey again reprising her role as Sarah Palin in their lampooning of the VP debate. They again hit it out of the park, of course they didn't have to write much script. If only Sarah Palin realized what she says is such a comedic gold mine. Queen Latifah plays moderator Gwen Ifill.

The look on Queen Latifah's face at about 4 minutes left to go pretty much sums up what much of us were thinking during the entire debate. There is even a line at the end about using maverick as part of a drinking game. They are on to you Roadtripper! Maybe you should be an SNL writer.

No Condoms? Use Diet Coke In A Pinch

2008-10-04T21:42:00.007-04:00

Turns out this old wives' tale actually has some validity. Researchers have discovered that Coke products really do work as a spermicide. For some reason, Diet Coke works best. Just for the taste of it, indeed!

** Editor's note: This blog does not actually advocate the use of soda as birth control. But if you really are stupid enough to try it, I reserve the right to laugh at your dumb ass when you get knocked up!

A Much Needed Post-Debate Moment Of Zen

2008-10-02T23:43:00.002-04:00

For everyone who needed a laugh to decompress.

I Am Actually Ashamed To Have Ovaries Right Now

2008-10-02T21:24:00.023-04:00

Not even thirty minutes in to the VP debate and I have already yelled myself hoarse. It started when Gov. Palin blew a kiss to the audience and asked if she could call Sen. Biden Joe. Nothing but downhill since. I am too irritated to do a proper live blog but here are some observations.

New drinking game. Take a shot every time that woman says any of the following:
Main Street
Joe Six Pack
maverick
soccer mom
hockey mom
the great state of Alaska
God Bless
around the kitchen table
darn

Biden is a trying his best to be charming and not lose his temper but you can tell he is totally gritting his teeth when he smiles.

I like how Palin keeps trying to pass herself off as middle class. Did you know her and her husband's income was $250K the year she ran for mayor? I have never been to Alaska before. Maybe that is considered middle class there.

She just referenced that shitty chant "Drill, baby, drill." You can tell she really thinks that is cute. I think it makes me want to puke.

Biden reminds me of an old fart that kept hitting on me in a hotel bar once. Kind of creepy...

9:36 I need to start putting times on here. Sorry I didn't think of that before. What kind of shop are we running here? Maybe that drinking game was a bad idea... darn!

9:40 Do cameramen usually film the candidates from behind as much as they do when one of them is in a skirt? I have seen more shots of Palin's legs than anything else.

9:41 Don't start the crying game, Govenor. I know your son is heading over to Iraq but so is Biden's. He isn't crying so put on a pair of big girl panties, sista.

9:44 Biden is throwing it back on her. Yup... McCain did vote against funding for troops too. Palin looks surprised by that fact. Did she not even bother to take a peek at the voting record of her boss? Ha ha! You Republicans don't have a patent on patriotism.

9:45 Palin can't even pronounce Taliban. Jeez!

9:49 Definition of diplomacy "Hard work by dedicated people." Thanks, Gov. Palin.

9:54 Biden is firing on all cylinders when speaking about Israel. Palin's response is how happy she is that they both love Israel. Awww! Maybe she will buy the world a Coke next.

10:02 I can't wait to hear how the conservative pundits try to spin this debate in their favor. This is Biden's house tonight.

10:04 Palin in now trying to amp up the cute factor... too bad we are talking about foreign spending. Not a very cute topic. Golly-gee! Tina Fey is going to have a field day with all this material.

10:07 Biden was just asked how he would run the White House if he ever had to take the presidency. Speaking of, check out this shit from Ann Coulter where she basically calls Obama assassination bait. The Secret Service needs to put Coulter on a watch list. Bitch is crazy.

10:10 Wasilla, AK versus Scranton, PA as both try to out-blue-collar each other.

10:13 She just gave a "shout out" to some kids at an elementary school. She is such a hip soccer mom... except the term "shout out" saw its hey-dey about a decade ago.

10:14 Palin just said McCain "tapped her". Hee hee! Pardon me... I am 13 again.

10:17 Biden just called Dick Cheney "the most dangerous Vice President in history". Oooh...burn!

10:19 Palin just said that her and the old fart stand for equal rights. LOL! Is that why McCain keeps voting against the equal pay bill for women?

10:21 Biden sees Palin's soccer mom card and raises her by playing the single dad after being widowed card. Palin blinks rapidly, folds and switches tactics by sing-songing McCain's praises again.

10:23 Biden is now calling out Palin's constant referral to McCain as a maverick. Sure, if maverick = old dude who doesn't want to change anything.

10:24 Who's house? Biden's house. Whooooooo's house? Biden's house. (Tell me someone gets the Run DMC reference, please!)

10:29 Closing statements. Palin goes first. Her voice is like nails against a chalkboard. I thought McCain was against using torture.

10:30 I wish they would quit talking about how great it is to finally meet. Get a room, you two.

10:31 If only Biden's eyes weren't so shifty. It makes him look like an untrustworthy, dirty old man who picks up women in hotel bars.

Whew! It's over. I need a cigarette and another drink. I am stoked that Biden mopped the floor with Palin's ass. That was awesome.

10:34 Hey! Is that Palin's knocked up daughter I see?

At least 5 Minutes of Amusement

2008-10-02T14:22:00.002-04:00

Stuck at work bored out of your mind? Stuck in bed with the flu like me? Or maybe you are just looking for something funny (at least until tonight's VP Candidate debate)? I have just the thing! By following the link below, you too can find out what your name would be if you were in the wacky Palin family where you had siblings named Track, Trig, Bristol, and Willow! Yes it's the Sarah Palin Name Generator and provided me with a few minutes of chuckles, key when you are down with the flu you got by taking the flu shot.

http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

If I was a Palin (thank goodness I am not), my name would be Sport Grunt Palin. What's Yours?

My Favorite Things

2008-10-01T21:02:00.010-04:00

Fellow blogger CKD has a regular feature on her site showcasing her love of over-priced but fabulous cosmetics. Knowing a fellow product whore when she sees one, she issued up the challenge to me. Here goes a list of my favorite things (alternate title: How Roadtripper Gets Free Shipping From Sephora By Spending Way Over $50 With Each Purchase)

Benefit Eye Bright: Blame my genetics because I can roll out of bed after a solid 12 hour slumber sporting dark circles under my eyes that would indicate an all-night drinking binge. A quick swipe of this snazzy pink pencil makes me look well-rested and completely zenful even after the worst bout of insomnia.

OPI nailpolish: I adore OPI and don't even blink when I shell out almost $10 for a bottle. This stuff lasts forever and the colors never streak. My recent obsession has been their Royal Navy color, which has enjoyed heavy rotation on my toe nails all summer long.

Philosophy Hope in a Jar: Hands down, the best moisterizer for my skin. Not at all greasy, absorbs instantly and makes my skin feel like buttah.

Anastasia Perfect Brow Pencil in Strawburn: My brows are ridiculously sparse. For years, the only light pencils I could find were ash-blonde and ended up making me look like Ash Wednesday Gone Awry. Anastasia has a fabulous color called Strawburn that is perfect for those of us with an autumn palette.

Revlon ColorStay Mineral Lipglaze: Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I am always smoking a cigarette or sipping a soda, wreaking havoc on any lipstick I wear. This recent drugstore find holds for hours without turning my lips in to a chapped, dried-out mess.

Philosophy Red Velvet Cake 3-in-1 Shower Gel: Any southern girl goes bat shit crazy for red velvet cake. This stuff smells so delish... sans those pesky calories and fat grams.

John Frieda Brilliant Brunette Shine Shock: Makes hair glisten. Not just for brunettes either... I have had almost every color on the Redken wheel and this stuff works like a charm. A bright and very shiney charm.

My Love Of All Things Kitsch Now Extends To My Keychain

2008-10-01T18:48:00.005-04:00

Picture me standing at the key making counter at Lowe's Hardware with the simple task of getting a copy of my house key made. Imagine my actual squeal of joy when I realized you could get a custom key made from several designer templates instead of a plain old silver one. Now picture the expression of shock and confusion on the old guy's face who was making my key when I let out that aforementioned squeal of joy.

But seriously... who could resist? I think my key is super fab.

Welcome To The Island: "I Am Not A Fag Hag But...." Edition

2008-10-01T18:14:00.009-04:00

Anderson Cooper turns the news in to Must-See TV. Those icy blue eyes, the silver hair, the ripped biceps. The guy is part of the Vanderbilt dynasty but he ran off to Cambodia post-college to tromp through the jungles and report for Channel 1. Sexy little WASP-y rebel! His verbal tongue lashing of Senator Mary Landrieu post Hurricane Katrina still rates as my fave news moment of all time. What can I say?... I like 'em feisty!

Anderson Cooper has never officially came out of the closet yet. He refuses to answer questions about his sexual preference. But one viewing of his reaction to Kathy Griffin on "My Life On The D-List" (her gays do love her so!) closed off any questions in my mind. No straight man could ever get that giggly and starry-eyed over Kathy Griffin.

As much as I laugh at women who lust after gay men, I have to include ol' Andy on the island. He is straight up (hee hee... pun!) yummy.

Welcome to the Island: They're Straight Here!

2008-10-01T16:03:00.006-04:00

Roadtripper first had the idea for this week's theme but didn't think I would be able to come up with a guy who was gay but who we wished were straight and would be straight on the island. I think it took me all of 5 seconds before I came up with my guy:

Neil Patrick Harris. That's right. I know he is in a happy, monogamous relationship with a guy but this is the island, and Roadtripper and I's reality prevails. And as you can tell by the pic, boy works out! He is a big part of the reason I watch How I Met Your Mother and has come a long way from his Doogie days. Welcome to the Island NPH, it's going to be legen-wait for it-dary!

Now Bad Wolf is off to take a nap and more cold medicine. I was sent home from work as soon as my voice dropped to Barry White levels and have only felt worse since. I blame it on the flu shot they made us get yesterday.

But Am I Compatible With Eharmony?

2008-09-30T18:25:00.005-04:00

Chalk it up to moment of weakness. After seeing one of those sappy eharmony commercials where the couples stare deeply in to one another's eyes and talk about how in love they are and how happy they are to find their soul mate blah blah blah, I broke down and took eharmony's personality test.

The good news: I appear to be a fairly balanced person... at least according to my personality profile results.

The shocking news: I actually got accepted. Eharmony's founder is Neil Clark Warren, an evangelical Christian who won't even let gays apply for eharmony. I was pretty sure my agnostic, divorced self was going to be denied.

The bad news: My inbox has been flooded with eharmony emails. You have a match! We will help you find love! Chuck from Havelock requests "guided communication" (huh?!?!) Just pay $147 for a six month membership.

The weird news: I don't think I am really ready for a serious relationship. The idea of a relationship started via the internet makes me break out in hives.

Quite The Domestic Diva, Aren't I?

2008-09-28T22:19:00.010-04:00

Tonight was the first time I attended an event for my meetup group. The theme was Heavy Appetizer and Wine Potluck. The wine part of the equation was easy but heavy appetizer perplexed me for some reason. I really don't have any recipes for heavy appetizers in my (granted very narrow) repertoire. I was planning on making bruschetta but had an epiphany at the supermarket:

fancy-pants artisan bread $4.21
pesto sauce $4.59
grape tomatoes $5.09
fancy-pants mozzeralla $6.78
fresh basil $3.75 +
________________________
TOO MUCH DAMN $$$$$

Not to mention the time it would take to prepare and assemble this recipe. Screw that! I came up with Plan B.

I may not be Martha Stewart but at least I have cute accessories.

The apron says it all.

My secret weapon. Pilsbury Savorings $4.21 a box and only 20 minutes cooking time.

Will anyone guess my dirty little secret?

No way! Just throw them in baking dishes and act like you slaved over a hot stove all day. They even have little fork marks in them so it looks homeade.

All jokes aside, the girls at the meetup were super-friendly and probably wouldn't have cared if I stopped through the Taco Bell drive-thru on the way in.

I Heart Political Satire

2008-09-28T12:45:00.004-04:00

Is it just me or is Saturday Night Live on fire this election?

A New 'Do

2008-09-27T13:13:00.003-04:00

I can be a bit rigid when picking a hairdresser. My last few were women in their forties. Call me crazy but give me the twenty-something with purple streaks in her hair. I think they are more willing to take risks and will make sure you don't look boring. Since I am new in town, I was kind of flying blind. I noticed my co-worker Laura has really cute highlights so I bit the bullet and asked for her hairdresser's number. I walked in to the salon this morning to discover my stylist was a twenty-something with a purple wash to her dark hair. Jackpot!

Along with a new base color and highlights, the girls in the shop offered up advice on local bars and clubs. What more can you ask for? I love one-stop shopping!

The Sex And The City Movie: A Second Look

2008-09-27T12:16:00.006-04:00

** SPOILER ALERT** (Although if you haven't see the movie yet, why are you reading this??? We probably aren't friends anyways.)

I was not in a great mindset the first time I watched the Sex and the City movie. I went to see it with the live-in girlfriend of the guy I had been seeing just days after I broke the news to her that the guy she had moved across the country to be with was a cheating bastard. Yeah... you read that last sentence correctly. Needless to say, there was more drama going on off-screen and neither of us were too open to the dirtbag antics of the men in the movie.

I wasn't very quiet in the movie theater. When Big stood Carrie up at the wedding, I snorted my disapproval. I actually shouted "Bullshit!" when Steve told Miranda that he cheated on her because they hadn't had sex in a long time. And when I realized that Miranda was going to go ahead and meet Steve on the bridge, I started yelling "Don't do it, girl!" I know Christen was ready to stuff me under the seat.

Miranda has always been my favorite character, although I cursed the writers the last few seasons when they saddled her with a whiny-ass slacker bartender and a kid. Seriously? Miranda was a Harvard educated attorney and the best they could come up with for her was Steve?

I was in Target the other day, and noticed that the movie was now out on DVD. Since I own all the seasons of the show, I decided to round out my collection and give the movie another chance.

I must admit, the movie was much better this time around. Yeah... the wedding scene still makes me cringe from how raw the emotion is. I still hate Steve and think his affair is bullshit but this time I noticed how happy Miranda's face was on the bridge. She learned to forgive and seemed like be ready to move on to a better stage of her relationship with Steve. The strength of all the womens' friendships and how they supported each other through hearbreak and happiness stood out to me much more with this viewing. And that is what was always the backbone of the show.

Having said that... I still would have left that bastard Steve standing alone on the bridge. Dirtbag!

Daughter Of The Year Award

2008-09-25T09:48:00.006-04:00

The weather has been INSANE here the last few days: gale force winds, grey clouds and pouring rain.

Mom called last night to make sure all was well. A brief snippet:

Mom: I saw that you have some pretty high winds down there.
Me: Yeah, it makes driving fun. I almost got blown off the road a few times.
Mom: Well, hunker down. Try staying off the beach. The riptides are going to be pretty strong. Just in case, you know, you get the urge to go skinny-dipping again.
(insert a few seconds of awkward silence as I try not to choke on my plum wine. Candace later comments on the lovely shade of green I turned at that moment.)
Mom: You know... I do read your blog, dear.

Heh heh... ummmm... hi mom!

Welcome to the Island: LOST edition

2008-09-24T20:15:00.003-04:00

This was actually a very tough decision this week. There are so many choices when it comes to the men of LOST. The fact that Henry Ian Cusick (Desmond) didn't make either of our picks attests to that fact. I had to go with Naveen Andrews (Sayid). One hot mutha (shut your mouth fool). He is also loyal and can maim, torture, or kill pretty much anyone who crosses his path. And the hair, wow! As Roadtripper said, I already know he knows his way around an island but he is just as good looking off of it:

Welcome to the Island Naveen, I think you will like this one much better.

Welcome To The Island: The LOST Edition

2008-09-24T17:49:00.004-04:00

Let me start this blog post with a warning: Candace and I are enjoying a bottle (or 2) of plum wine with our sushi this evening. My normal writing skills might be a little impaired.

Allow me to present the latest addition to the island: Josh Holloway (aka Sawyer) from LOST. I usually don't care for dirty rednecks but I will make a major exception for this type of perfection. This man is gorgeous. The abs, the dimples, the hair begging to have my fingers running through it, the crystal eyes, the jawline... and did I mention the abs?

We already know how well this man fairs on an island anyways so he will fit right in on ours, no nasty plane crash necessary. Welcome to the island, Josh Holloway.

Kids Say The Darndest Things (Especially When They Are 19 Year Old Marines)

2008-09-22T20:44:00.004-04:00

Conversations between myself and one of my students today:

Him: You aren't retired military like the rest of the instructors, are you, ma'am?
Me: No. I just did one tour in the Army and have been a contractor ever since.
Him: Figures... all the pretty girls are in the Army.
Me: Make sure you put your name and information on the roster.
Him: Okay... but I don't know my unit's duty phone number.
Me: That's fine. Just put the name of your unit in that block. We'll make sure you get credit.
Him: Maybe I should just put my cell number there... for you... so... you can like call me... you know... if you wanted to... ma'am.

I am not sure if I should be flattered or horrified that a 19 year old managed to hit on me and call me ma'am in the same sentence. I think these kids have watched too many repeats of "Top Gun". Well, I am no Kelly McGillis (although the fishnets stockings she rocked in her classroom were the shit!)

Come to think of it, that kid has probably never even seen "Top Gun" since it came out before he was even born. Pardon me while I go cry in to my Bloody Mary.

Psssssst: I have to admit... it was kind of sweet and my head barely fit through the door for the rest of the day.